I am starting to lose it. I have been in the house for going on 3 weeks. As a stay at home mom, you may think we are always at home, so what's the big deal? The big deal is that we are rarely at home all day every day. We have playdates, errands, outings. We go to parks, the library, even the pet store (i.e. the zoo). We socialize with friends, we eat out at lunch time--ladies lunch, as we call it.
This damn surgery recovery is taking forever. I am still on pain meds b/c unless I sit on the sofa all day, my belly hurts and I start walking all hunched over. I am getting better, but impatient b/c I want to get back to my life. I am allowed to drive now, but lifting the infant car seat is a little rough on me with the lifting and the more I rest, the quicker I heal, so I don't want to over-do it. The weather last week was beautiful, but I was too sore to take walks. Of course this week I am ready to be outside and its raining cats and dogs. Seems it will rain the rest of the week. Grr.
Okay, so I am impatient, but entertaining Lana indoors all day every day is starting to get old. We have been doing crafts. Lots of crafts. I am not crafty at all. I am officially all crafted out. Lana has been taking an interest in how words are spelled. She will ask "How do you spell grocery store?" So I have been trying to incorporate spelling into craft time with foam letter stickers to at least make it educational. I like how she likes crafts--its good for her creativity and at least we are not watching TV all day long. But I am getting bored with it and its messy. There are bits of paper, sequins, glue remnants, glitter, paper backing from stickers, etc. everywhere! Plus she hates to clean up, like most 3 year olds, so we fight about it. When she gets bored, she asks for snacks, so we have been snacking way too much too. When someone stops by the house, I can truly see how bored Lana is--she talks and talks and wants the visitor to play and she will not let you get a word in edge-wise. Snacks, TV, crafts, playdoh. This has been all we have been up to for the past 3 weeks, so you can see why I have not posted any thought-provoking or mildly interesting blog posts. I know that there will be a time in the not so distant future where I will be missing our craft days b/c she will be too busy or cool to hang with her mom all day.
Lacey is good. She eats, sleeps and poops. She snorts and grunts and only cries when she is REALLY pissed off, which is not that much. She definitely doesn't like her car seat. She loves to be held. Lana is so sweet with her, even when she is not sweet with the rest of us. Lacey is a sweet baby and she smells so good.
So that's it. Tomorrow, more crafts. Is it the weekend yet?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
My first day with both girls
Yesterday my inlaws came over and wanted to take Lana to the library and other various activities that she was excited about on Tuesday. But she took one look at them and burst into tears--she did NOT want to go. She wanted to stay at home with mommy. She pitched a big enough fit that my inlaws gave in, went home and I was unexpectedly flying solo (as Laura would say). I felt like I could do it as long as I had good pain control and could keep up with Miss Whirlwind Lana. Did I mention she was in a very contrary mood?
Overall it went well. We mainly did crafts at the dining table and we watched tv and ate way more snacks then I generally give, but we made it unscathed! Lana never complained that I was spending too much time with the baby. She was super defiant about picking up her toys or activity before moving on to the next one and I had to pull out the threats, overall she was happy, she smiled, we laughed. We even made ghosts with tissue and tootsie pops, which is saying something b/c I am not crafty at all. She made 4 of them, one for each of us in the family.
Lana has been very sweet toward Lacey. I put Lacey in the baby pappasan and asked Lana to keep an eye on her while I use the bathroom. I was a little nervous about leaving her alone with the baby for even a few minutes, but she is not very aggressive. I told her to never pick her up, just to look at her and talk to her. When I came back, this is what I saw:
She was sitting very close to her, literally watching her and she told me that Lacey wanted to play with some toys.
Around 3pm, I started to get tired and my pain was coming back from over doing it a little. Luckily my dear friend brought over some Indian take out, so I didn't even have to think about dinner and neither did Bill, which was good b/c as soon as he came home, he was called back to the hospital.
Last night was kind of interesting in a bodily function kind of way. Lacey was sleeping at 9:30pm and I wanted to go to sleep, but she was almost due for a feeding, so we woke her up for a diaper change and a snack in hopes I could get a solid 3-3.5h (i know i am so lucky). Bill did the honors and as soon as the diaper came off, Lacey pooped all over his hand and the changing pad. Just as he is calling SOS, she pees on him as well. So we change her and I feed her and she sleeps well for 3.5h (!). When I feed her in the middle of the night, she is starving. She eats. She poops. I change her and re-swaddle. I feed. She promptly poops again. I change, I feed a little more and re-swaddle. She poops again! I change her, re-swaddle, give her a little comfort boob, lay her down and she pukes copiously. I grab blankets as fast as possible, but her tummy is empty and the mattress is wet. The miracle blanket is soaked. Now I need to find regular blankets that are large enough to swaddle and I can't find any. Grrr. She is fast asleep. When I managed to get the bed cleaned up and her re-swaddled, she is hungry again! We finally got back to sleep but it was like a 2h feeding. I can't complain though b/c she sleeps for such long stretches for a newborn. I am definitely not like the walking dead the way I was the first time around.
Here are some more pics b/c my faraway family and friends need to see her.
The lighting is not right here, but at least her eyes are open.
Ignore the clutter please. Oy, my whole house is a mess right now. If you stop by, close your eyes.
Sisterly love...
Proud Papa...
Me and my little bug...
Overall it went well. We mainly did crafts at the dining table and we watched tv and ate way more snacks then I generally give, but we made it unscathed! Lana never complained that I was spending too much time with the baby. She was super defiant about picking up her toys or activity before moving on to the next one and I had to pull out the threats, overall she was happy, she smiled, we laughed. We even made ghosts with tissue and tootsie pops, which is saying something b/c I am not crafty at all. She made 4 of them, one for each of us in the family.
Lana has been very sweet toward Lacey. I put Lacey in the baby pappasan and asked Lana to keep an eye on her while I use the bathroom. I was a little nervous about leaving her alone with the baby for even a few minutes, but she is not very aggressive. I told her to never pick her up, just to look at her and talk to her. When I came back, this is what I saw:
She was sitting very close to her, literally watching her and she told me that Lacey wanted to play with some toys.
Around 3pm, I started to get tired and my pain was coming back from over doing it a little. Luckily my dear friend brought over some Indian take out, so I didn't even have to think about dinner and neither did Bill, which was good b/c as soon as he came home, he was called back to the hospital.
Last night was kind of interesting in a bodily function kind of way. Lacey was sleeping at 9:30pm and I wanted to go to sleep, but she was almost due for a feeding, so we woke her up for a diaper change and a snack in hopes I could get a solid 3-3.5h (i know i am so lucky). Bill did the honors and as soon as the diaper came off, Lacey pooped all over his hand and the changing pad. Just as he is calling SOS, she pees on him as well. So we change her and I feed her and she sleeps well for 3.5h (!). When I feed her in the middle of the night, she is starving. She eats. She poops. I change her and re-swaddle. I feed. She promptly poops again. I change, I feed a little more and re-swaddle. She poops again! I change her, re-swaddle, give her a little comfort boob, lay her down and she pukes copiously. I grab blankets as fast as possible, but her tummy is empty and the mattress is wet. The miracle blanket is soaked. Now I need to find regular blankets that are large enough to swaddle and I can't find any. Grrr. She is fast asleep. When I managed to get the bed cleaned up and her re-swaddled, she is hungry again! We finally got back to sleep but it was like a 2h feeding. I can't complain though b/c she sleeps for such long stretches for a newborn. I am definitely not like the walking dead the way I was the first time around.
Here are some more pics b/c my faraway family and friends need to see her.
The lighting is not right here, but at least her eyes are open.
Ignore the clutter please. Oy, my whole house is a mess right now. If you stop by, close your eyes.
Sisterly love...
Proud Papa...
Me and my little bug...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Now this is what I expected
So things are still good. Baby sleeps like she is addicted to sleep--she may have received this gene from her father, since his hobby is napping. She is only awake to eat and look around for 5 minutes and then she is out again. My friend told me her second baby was like this and she was so concerned she asked her pediatrician if something was wrong. Of course, nothing was wrong, she just got lucky. I have to say, the thought, "Is something wrong with her?" has crossed my mind more than once. But she is eating like a champ and pooping, so I guess everything is A-OK.
Lana on the other hand is having a tough time. Not with jealousy. Not anything directed toward Lacey at all. But she is completely panicked and fearful of me leaving. She is in general having a hard time with the changes that are a result of my recovering from surgery. For example, I am not putting her to bed at night b/c I cannot lie in her bed to read--she rolls and jumps and its just not safe with my tender incision in her path. So Bill has been doing it. When she says goodnight to me downstairs, she bursts into tears begging me to put her to bed. She thinks when she wakes up I won't be there--I will either be in the hospital or on an airplane (?). No matter how much I reassure her, she just cries and cries. When my inlaws come over, she gets really anxious. They have been here a lot, helping me out with meals and trying to entertain Lana, but she wants me and me only. Luckily since Lacey is so easy going, I can actually spend a lot of time with Lana, as long as I am in a comfy chair. Even so, she does not want to be more than 10 feet away from me. It all culminated last night in a monster tantrum/cry that involved rolling on the floor, her begging me for one more hug and kiss (it killed me not to give in and walk up the stairs to do it) and Bill raising his voice, which is something he never does with her.
Yesterday was a real challenge with Lana. I felt like everything out of my mouth was me either yelling at her or at least using a stern directive voice or threat. Everything out of her mouth was "NO!" And Bill, the fun parent, the one who never yells, raised his voice to her more than once. Its a fine line because as much as I want to nurture her a little extra so she doesn't feel displaced, if you give her an inch, she takes a mile and will manipulate the hell out of you. I also don't want her to feel like as soon as her sister arrived, everyone is yelling at her. Then there is the issue with my inlaws. They want to take Lana to their house, so that I can rest but also b/c Lana is happier to hang with them when I am not there. But when they come over, she runs to me and cries that she wants them to go away. So I thinks she feels like she is being sent away. We tried yesterday to have my inlaws here with us at our house, but it was kind of a disaster. Lana wanted to play with me (which I did--we did crafts and playdoh at the dining table) and wanted nothing to do with my inlaws (which made me feel bad for them). Plus, my inlaws didn't have Chinese TV or books, so they were bored out of their minds. I thought it was great to have them here to fetch things for me in other rooms or upstairs, so I didn't have to walk all over the house and get sore.
I am probably making more of this than needs to be, since things will be more stabilized once I am healed and not hobbling around. Hopefully in another few days I will be able to hang with both girls by myself and she can feel like we are almost normal and that no one is coming to take her away and that I am still here, not in the hospital or on a trip. I feel bad for Lana, although she frustrated me to the max yesterday. I just love her so much I don't want her to feel like she lost me somewhere.
I know from all of my blogfriends posts about bringing home a new sibling that this too shall pass and that the adjustment period is hard, but the whole family adjusts and a new "normal" is established.
Lana on the other hand is having a tough time. Not with jealousy. Not anything directed toward Lacey at all. But she is completely panicked and fearful of me leaving. She is in general having a hard time with the changes that are a result of my recovering from surgery. For example, I am not putting her to bed at night b/c I cannot lie in her bed to read--she rolls and jumps and its just not safe with my tender incision in her path. So Bill has been doing it. When she says goodnight to me downstairs, she bursts into tears begging me to put her to bed. She thinks when she wakes up I won't be there--I will either be in the hospital or on an airplane (?). No matter how much I reassure her, she just cries and cries. When my inlaws come over, she gets really anxious. They have been here a lot, helping me out with meals and trying to entertain Lana, but she wants me and me only. Luckily since Lacey is so easy going, I can actually spend a lot of time with Lana, as long as I am in a comfy chair. Even so, she does not want to be more than 10 feet away from me. It all culminated last night in a monster tantrum/cry that involved rolling on the floor, her begging me for one more hug and kiss (it killed me not to give in and walk up the stairs to do it) and Bill raising his voice, which is something he never does with her.
Yesterday was a real challenge with Lana. I felt like everything out of my mouth was me either yelling at her or at least using a stern directive voice or threat. Everything out of her mouth was "NO!" And Bill, the fun parent, the one who never yells, raised his voice to her more than once. Its a fine line because as much as I want to nurture her a little extra so she doesn't feel displaced, if you give her an inch, she takes a mile and will manipulate the hell out of you. I also don't want her to feel like as soon as her sister arrived, everyone is yelling at her. Then there is the issue with my inlaws. They want to take Lana to their house, so that I can rest but also b/c Lana is happier to hang with them when I am not there. But when they come over, she runs to me and cries that she wants them to go away. So I thinks she feels like she is being sent away. We tried yesterday to have my inlaws here with us at our house, but it was kind of a disaster. Lana wanted to play with me (which I did--we did crafts and playdoh at the dining table) and wanted nothing to do with my inlaws (which made me feel bad for them). Plus, my inlaws didn't have Chinese TV or books, so they were bored out of their minds. I thought it was great to have them here to fetch things for me in other rooms or upstairs, so I didn't have to walk all over the house and get sore.
I am probably making more of this than needs to be, since things will be more stabilized once I am healed and not hobbling around. Hopefully in another few days I will be able to hang with both girls by myself and she can feel like we are almost normal and that no one is coming to take her away and that I am still here, not in the hospital or on a trip. I feel bad for Lana, although she frustrated me to the max yesterday. I just love her so much I don't want her to feel like she lost me somewhere.
I know from all of my blogfriends posts about bringing home a new sibling that this too shall pass and that the adjustment period is hard, but the whole family adjusts and a new "normal" is established.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Totally doing the happy dance over here!
Lacey Ru-Ling was born Monday September 28th, 7:58am, weighing in at 6 lbs, 4 oz, 19.5 inches long.
Underneath that cap is a head full of black hair. When she first came out, I thought--wow she looks nothing like Lana, but now I think she totally looks like Lana.
Anyway, looks aside, Lacey is different from Lana--yes, I can tell already. First off, she is breastfeeding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know that is a lot of exclamation points, but I am that excited! In recovery, she just latched right on and suckled for 15 minutes--woo hoo! She has been a nursing champ ever since. Great latch, very little pain and soreness on my end (at least in the boob region) and overall, just so great at it. This is the best gift ever. I struggled so much nursing Lana and ultimately after 2 weeks of frustration and failure, I switched over to pumping and bottle feeding. This was fine, but a lot of dishwashing and extra time hooked up to that damn pump. Middle of the night pumping is no fun, let me tell ya. This time around, I just pick her up, nurse, re-swaddle and we are done. I can't believe how easy it is. My milk came in full force yesterday (OMG, I have huge boobs) and she is going to town eating and then sleeping in between. Sleeping well and for long stretches. I often have to wake her for the next feeding. I am so not bragging or rubbing it in to those who have not had this experience with their newborn, b/c I have been on the other side of things. Lana was never a happy camper--she was up screaming her head off every 2 h around the clock, sometimes out of hunger, sometimes we didn't know why. I know its early still and Lacey may change tomorrow, but so far, I am on cloud 9. My ped said colic starts at 3 weeks--so we are enjoying the potential calm before the storm. If colic shows up this time though, I am prepared like a girl scout. Right now, I am so joyful and excited and thankful. So very thankful.
Healing from my surgery is slow going. I am a wimp. I have very low pain tolerance. I made the mistake of leaping out of bed the first night I was home. I think I forgot I just had belly surgery. I strained one of the muscles on my right side, so now everytime I twist a little in the waist, I get a shooting pain, in addition to the stabbing pains in my incision area. I am not exactly rebounding quickly. I love my pain meds, although they make me feel a little wacky. Right now, its a balance between pain control and not feeling too stoned. I know in 2 weeks I will be moving around much better, but its driving me nuts to sit still and not be able to bend over and pick things up, or walk upstairs to grab a change of clothes or my lanolin cream.
Lana, sweet Lana is doing so well. She is very focused on being big. We point out all the things she can do that the baby can't. I gave her a gift from Lacey--her first princess dress up costume--Snow White. She put it right on over her clothes! She touches her sister very gently and brings me her own very special blankie to cover up Lacey when she is sleeping. We have had no acts of aggression or crazy 3 year old behavior so far. She had some tears when I was in the hospital b/c she wanted me to come home and she cries at night when I can't put her to sleep, but other than that, she is rolling with the punches and making me proud.
The biggest difference I notice this time around is that I can enjoy the baby. I am not so stressed out. I can look at her, cuddle her, talk to her and its not always about business. With Lana, I was a mess. I never held a baby, let alone cared for one or fed one or figured out how to have a baby around and still find the time to brush my teeth or eat. This time, it feels so much more natural, easy and even relaxing at times. Of course it helps that she is feeding well and doesn't have jaundice and isn't as intense of a crier, but I think there is a real change in me. I was so terrified and now I feel contentment. Plus I am high from these drugs.
I think the baby has my dad's feet. Long and skinny, with long toes. My dad wore a size 12 shoe. All the rest of us have short stubby feet. Many people told me that the baby would help me feel joy again. Its true, so very true. I know my dad is looking down from heaven with that twinkle in his eye, saying to Lacey, "Hi baby girl". He always said that.
Underneath that cap is a head full of black hair. When she first came out, I thought--wow she looks nothing like Lana, but now I think she totally looks like Lana.
Anyway, looks aside, Lacey is different from Lana--yes, I can tell already. First off, she is breastfeeding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know that is a lot of exclamation points, but I am that excited! In recovery, she just latched right on and suckled for 15 minutes--woo hoo! She has been a nursing champ ever since. Great latch, very little pain and soreness on my end (at least in the boob region) and overall, just so great at it. This is the best gift ever. I struggled so much nursing Lana and ultimately after 2 weeks of frustration and failure, I switched over to pumping and bottle feeding. This was fine, but a lot of dishwashing and extra time hooked up to that damn pump. Middle of the night pumping is no fun, let me tell ya. This time around, I just pick her up, nurse, re-swaddle and we are done. I can't believe how easy it is. My milk came in full force yesterday (OMG, I have huge boobs) and she is going to town eating and then sleeping in between. Sleeping well and for long stretches. I often have to wake her for the next feeding. I am so not bragging or rubbing it in to those who have not had this experience with their newborn, b/c I have been on the other side of things. Lana was never a happy camper--she was up screaming her head off every 2 h around the clock, sometimes out of hunger, sometimes we didn't know why. I know its early still and Lacey may change tomorrow, but so far, I am on cloud 9. My ped said colic starts at 3 weeks--so we are enjoying the potential calm before the storm. If colic shows up this time though, I am prepared like a girl scout. Right now, I am so joyful and excited and thankful. So very thankful.
Healing from my surgery is slow going. I am a wimp. I have very low pain tolerance. I made the mistake of leaping out of bed the first night I was home. I think I forgot I just had belly surgery. I strained one of the muscles on my right side, so now everytime I twist a little in the waist, I get a shooting pain, in addition to the stabbing pains in my incision area. I am not exactly rebounding quickly. I love my pain meds, although they make me feel a little wacky. Right now, its a balance between pain control and not feeling too stoned. I know in 2 weeks I will be moving around much better, but its driving me nuts to sit still and not be able to bend over and pick things up, or walk upstairs to grab a change of clothes or my lanolin cream.
Lana, sweet Lana is doing so well. She is very focused on being big. We point out all the things she can do that the baby can't. I gave her a gift from Lacey--her first princess dress up costume--Snow White. She put it right on over her clothes! She touches her sister very gently and brings me her own very special blankie to cover up Lacey when she is sleeping. We have had no acts of aggression or crazy 3 year old behavior so far. She had some tears when I was in the hospital b/c she wanted me to come home and she cries at night when I can't put her to sleep, but other than that, she is rolling with the punches and making me proud.
The biggest difference I notice this time around is that I can enjoy the baby. I am not so stressed out. I can look at her, cuddle her, talk to her and its not always about business. With Lana, I was a mess. I never held a baby, let alone cared for one or fed one or figured out how to have a baby around and still find the time to brush my teeth or eat. This time, it feels so much more natural, easy and even relaxing at times. Of course it helps that she is feeding well and doesn't have jaundice and isn't as intense of a crier, but I think there is a real change in me. I was so terrified and now I feel contentment. Plus I am high from these drugs.
I think the baby has my dad's feet. Long and skinny, with long toes. My dad wore a size 12 shoe. All the rest of us have short stubby feet. Many people told me that the baby would help me feel joy again. Its true, so very true. I know my dad is looking down from heaven with that twinkle in his eye, saying to Lacey, "Hi baby girl". He always said that.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Now I am nervous
In 12 hours I will be going to the hospital to deliver via C-section. Having this much advance notice is oddly reassuring and freakin scary all at the same time. Reassuring b/c I can arrange for child care, make lists and plan, Bill can get vacation time in advance, etc. But scary b/c I remember how crappy I felt during and after.
With Lana, I was induced, but it was determined that my pelvic bones are way too narrow to allow a baby's head through, so I was taken back for a C-section. I never read the chapter on C-sections in What to Expect.. and we missed the birth class on C-sections, so I was pretty oblivious at the time, getting wheeled to the OR. This time though, I know what's coming and I am not looking forward to it. Perhaps you or someone you know had a C-section and was walking around that afternoon and running a marathon that weekend, but I thought it was pretty painful and I was surprised how immobile I was and for how long.
I know it will be fine, I will get some percoset, in two weeks I will be almost feeling like I can get out of bed, etc. But I still feel nervous about surgery--things happen. My OB is coming home from vacation today and I have the first case tomorrow--he better not be jet lagged. But even with a well-rested and competant surgeon, things happen. So say a quick prayer for me and little baby. I don't want any surprises--just a routine surgery and a healthy baby.
Bill will be with me during the day, but will come home to be with Lana in the evening and overnight. My inlaws will have her during the day and will likely help out with me at home, once I am released and Bill goes back to work next week. My mom is staying the nights with me in the hospital. I am so lucky to have so much help this time, especially compared to last time.
So that's it. I am nervous, but excited. I feel like I am about to defend my dissertation or take the SATs. Something big and life-changing is about to happen. I had a raspberry jelly donut today to take the edge off--it helped. I hope my good eating habits return once this baby is out. I am not going to live a long life on nachos, nutella and jelly donuts. Tomorrow we are a family of four!
Here are some final pregnancy photos taken yesterday:
This one was from last weekend--I feel sorry for my shirt, its almost not going to make it.
With Lana, I was induced, but it was determined that my pelvic bones are way too narrow to allow a baby's head through, so I was taken back for a C-section. I never read the chapter on C-sections in What to Expect.. and we missed the birth class on C-sections, so I was pretty oblivious at the time, getting wheeled to the OR. This time though, I know what's coming and I am not looking forward to it. Perhaps you or someone you know had a C-section and was walking around that afternoon and running a marathon that weekend, but I thought it was pretty painful and I was surprised how immobile I was and for how long.
I know it will be fine, I will get some percoset, in two weeks I will be almost feeling like I can get out of bed, etc. But I still feel nervous about surgery--things happen. My OB is coming home from vacation today and I have the first case tomorrow--he better not be jet lagged. But even with a well-rested and competant surgeon, things happen. So say a quick prayer for me and little baby. I don't want any surprises--just a routine surgery and a healthy baby.
Bill will be with me during the day, but will come home to be with Lana in the evening and overnight. My inlaws will have her during the day and will likely help out with me at home, once I am released and Bill goes back to work next week. My mom is staying the nights with me in the hospital. I am so lucky to have so much help this time, especially compared to last time.
So that's it. I am nervous, but excited. I feel like I am about to defend my dissertation or take the SATs. Something big and life-changing is about to happen. I had a raspberry jelly donut today to take the edge off--it helped. I hope my good eating habits return once this baby is out. I am not going to live a long life on nachos, nutella and jelly donuts. Tomorrow we are a family of four!
Here are some final pregnancy photos taken yesterday:
This one was from last weekend--I feel sorry for my shirt, its almost not going to make it.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
My big girl
Dear Lana,
I am feeling so proud of you lately and a little sad that our time with just the two of us is almost over. I know that your little sister will be a gift to you ultimately, even though you may not see it that way for a long time. But, you have become my little buddy, my girl, no wait--my big girl.
You go to school now and you will tell anyone who will listen about school--literally anyone--people off the street--you broadcast how much you love school. You tell me about your new friends, who was the special leader, who you played table toys with. You tell me about circle time, what songs Miss Sue teaches you, the books that are read, and of course the snack--very important indeed.
You finally are totally going on the potty all the time with no accidents--hooray for that! But I know you are proud of yourself and that this qualifies you for official big girl status in your eyes. You remind me every day about which toys are for big girls and which toys are suitable for babies. Sometimes I want you to stop growing up so fast--like when you say you like Hannah Montana--yikes! How do you know about Hannah Montana? You are only 3?? You tell me you saw her in the Disney Store and she has beautiful long hair and makeup. Okay, stop it--you are really making me nervous. Wubbzy is still cool, right? I love Wubbzy!
I know we are making a huge deal about you being a big girl and your new role as big sister in our family, but you are ready for it. Miss Independent, you are not a follow-the-crowd-kind of girl. You have a great spirit and I am always impressed when you approach other kids (even older kids) to politely ask for a turn. I would have never done this at your age! It was too scary for me, but not for you!
Your imagination astounds me--it is so creative, you make us laugh and when you laugh, well life is perfect b/c you have the best belly laugh in the whole world. I love your made-up princess fairy tales, your birthday parties for Hello Kitty and your dance moves. I especially love introducing you to your audience--it goes something like this, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Mama proudly presents Miss Lana Ru-Yi starring as the magician of the night--YAY!!!" (cue clapping and your grand entrance). I also have been loving your help in the kitchen--you make some killer pancakes and you can crack an egg almost as good as I can.
You have been sweet, oh so sweet. I know you are saving sour Lana for when I bring home your little sister, which is okay. Its going to be rough for me too. I will be crabby too. I feel like these last few days are creeping up on me. I want to enjoy every minute of you, undivided. I feel sad that from now on things will be different. I will miss our morning cuddles especially. I will figure out a way that we can still have our special time and I hope that you know you will always be my special big girl. Your face makes me smile and you are by far my greatest accomplishment in life.
So I know things are about to change and get a little tricky, but just know that I am proud, so very proud of my big girl.
Love, Mom
I am feeling so proud of you lately and a little sad that our time with just the two of us is almost over. I know that your little sister will be a gift to you ultimately, even though you may not see it that way for a long time. But, you have become my little buddy, my girl, no wait--my big girl.
You go to school now and you will tell anyone who will listen about school--literally anyone--people off the street--you broadcast how much you love school. You tell me about your new friends, who was the special leader, who you played table toys with. You tell me about circle time, what songs Miss Sue teaches you, the books that are read, and of course the snack--very important indeed.
You finally are totally going on the potty all the time with no accidents--hooray for that! But I know you are proud of yourself and that this qualifies you for official big girl status in your eyes. You remind me every day about which toys are for big girls and which toys are suitable for babies. Sometimes I want you to stop growing up so fast--like when you say you like Hannah Montana--yikes! How do you know about Hannah Montana? You are only 3?? You tell me you saw her in the Disney Store and she has beautiful long hair and makeup. Okay, stop it--you are really making me nervous. Wubbzy is still cool, right? I love Wubbzy!
I know we are making a huge deal about you being a big girl and your new role as big sister in our family, but you are ready for it. Miss Independent, you are not a follow-the-crowd-kind of girl. You have a great spirit and I am always impressed when you approach other kids (even older kids) to politely ask for a turn. I would have never done this at your age! It was too scary for me, but not for you!
Your imagination astounds me--it is so creative, you make us laugh and when you laugh, well life is perfect b/c you have the best belly laugh in the whole world. I love your made-up princess fairy tales, your birthday parties for Hello Kitty and your dance moves. I especially love introducing you to your audience--it goes something like this, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Mama proudly presents Miss Lana Ru-Yi starring as the magician of the night--YAY!!!" (cue clapping and your grand entrance). I also have been loving your help in the kitchen--you make some killer pancakes and you can crack an egg almost as good as I can.
You have been sweet, oh so sweet. I know you are saving sour Lana for when I bring home your little sister, which is okay. Its going to be rough for me too. I will be crabby too. I feel like these last few days are creeping up on me. I want to enjoy every minute of you, undivided. I feel sad that from now on things will be different. I will miss our morning cuddles especially. I will figure out a way that we can still have our special time and I hope that you know you will always be my special big girl. Your face makes me smile and you are by far my greatest accomplishment in life.
So I know things are about to change and get a little tricky, but just know that I am proud, so very proud of my big girl.
Love, Mom
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Our Saturday
Today we had a memorial service for my dad here. He had a funeral back on the east coast a few weeks ago. My dad's wife was thoughtful enough to send some of his ashes to me in a beautiful little urn. We decided to have them buried at a local cemetery so that we could have a place to visit Dad, talk to him, bring flowers, take the girls. My inlaws already have purchased plots and we were able to get another plot in the same row, which will be very convenient in the future. So this week, I asked my friends for suggestions for poems and prayers, I spoke to the pastor, I got all the paperwork ready and yesterday I went to our garden an clipped some flowers to bring. I was actually kind of impressed with the arrangement I made, especially b/c I am not good at it and its fall, so my pickings were kind of slim. I dreaded today. A lot. I spent the whole week an insomniac, I cried often. Just thinking about having another goodbye to my dear father was overwhelming--like ripping the band-aid off all over again.
We woke up to a rainy day--a pouring rain, but the weather cleared out just in time for us to get to the cemetery. They had a tent set up, with 5 chairs to accomodate all of us--myself, Bill, mom, and my inlaws. Lana squirmed on my lap and chatted a bit, but overall she behaved quite well, considering. The pastor was terrific--he kept it simple and personal and we had the opportunity to tell some happy memories at the end--which each of us did. The sun even came out for a bit--I am not saying its divine intervention or anything, but it was uplifting to see the sun while we were talking about our memories of Dad. It was hard for me to say goodbye again, but I am comforted that a part of him is here with us, in a place he thought was so beautiful. I only wish he could have spent more time in life here--exploring the Pacific NW with us and enjoying his grand daughters. All in all the day was easier than I thought it would be, although I felt pretty tired and blue the rest of the day.
When we came home, we focused on getting the final details worked out for the baby's arrival. I washed all of the newborn clothes. My mom cleaned out our basement freezer and plugged it in, so we can put some meals in there. Bill installed the car seat base into the minivan, cursing the entire time--why is that such a maddening feat? Bill also had a fun time sanitizing the Diaper Champ which was pretty funky. I packed my bag for the hospital (finally). It felt good to get ready. I can't believe a week from Monday (or sooner) she will be here. A new baby, a new life. Holy shit, I can't believe we are starting over, doing it all again. I won't be sleeping, my boobs are going to hurt, 10 poops a day, the spitting up, hauling around that diaper bag. Will I remember how to do the baby thing? It was such a blur the first time around.
Lana had kind of a rough day too. She came down with a cold yesterday and didn't sleep well or long enough and she was a cranky cranky crankerton this morning. She cried about getting dressed, she screamed and threw a fit about putting on her shoes, she tantrumed about absolutely everything. It was nothing short of miraculous that she made it through the memorial service and lunch without incident. Then I got her a fat nap this afternoon which restored her back to normal, but now its 10:30pm and she is still awake in her room talking away.
Now I am relaxing with some strawberries I am spreading with nutella. I am obsessed with nutella all of a sudden. I don't know why, but its good, real good.
We woke up to a rainy day--a pouring rain, but the weather cleared out just in time for us to get to the cemetery. They had a tent set up, with 5 chairs to accomodate all of us--myself, Bill, mom, and my inlaws. Lana squirmed on my lap and chatted a bit, but overall she behaved quite well, considering. The pastor was terrific--he kept it simple and personal and we had the opportunity to tell some happy memories at the end--which each of us did. The sun even came out for a bit--I am not saying its divine intervention or anything, but it was uplifting to see the sun while we were talking about our memories of Dad. It was hard for me to say goodbye again, but I am comforted that a part of him is here with us, in a place he thought was so beautiful. I only wish he could have spent more time in life here--exploring the Pacific NW with us and enjoying his grand daughters. All in all the day was easier than I thought it would be, although I felt pretty tired and blue the rest of the day.
When we came home, we focused on getting the final details worked out for the baby's arrival. I washed all of the newborn clothes. My mom cleaned out our basement freezer and plugged it in, so we can put some meals in there. Bill installed the car seat base into the minivan, cursing the entire time--why is that such a maddening feat? Bill also had a fun time sanitizing the Diaper Champ which was pretty funky. I packed my bag for the hospital (finally). It felt good to get ready. I can't believe a week from Monday (or sooner) she will be here. A new baby, a new life. Holy shit, I can't believe we are starting over, doing it all again. I won't be sleeping, my boobs are going to hurt, 10 poops a day, the spitting up, hauling around that diaper bag. Will I remember how to do the baby thing? It was such a blur the first time around.
Lana had kind of a rough day too. She came down with a cold yesterday and didn't sleep well or long enough and she was a cranky cranky crankerton this morning. She cried about getting dressed, she screamed and threw a fit about putting on her shoes, she tantrumed about absolutely everything. It was nothing short of miraculous that she made it through the memorial service and lunch without incident. Then I got her a fat nap this afternoon which restored her back to normal, but now its 10:30pm and she is still awake in her room talking away.
Now I am relaxing with some strawberries I am spreading with nutella. I am obsessed with nutella all of a sudden. I don't know why, but its good, real good.
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