So things are still good. Baby sleeps like she is addicted to sleep--she may have received this gene from her father, since his hobby is napping. She is only awake to eat and look around for 5 minutes and then she is out again. My friend told me her second baby was like this and she was so concerned she asked her pediatrician if something was wrong. Of course, nothing was wrong, she just got lucky. I have to say, the thought, "Is something wrong with her?" has crossed my mind more than once. But she is eating like a champ and pooping, so I guess everything is A-OK.
Lana on the other hand is having a tough time. Not with jealousy. Not anything directed toward Lacey at all. But she is completely panicked and fearful of me leaving. She is in general having a hard time with the changes that are a result of my recovering from surgery. For example, I am not putting her to bed at night b/c I cannot lie in her bed to read--she rolls and jumps and its just not safe with my tender incision in her path. So Bill has been doing it. When she says goodnight to me downstairs, she bursts into tears begging me to put her to bed. She thinks when she wakes up I won't be there--I will either be in the hospital or on an airplane (?). No matter how much I reassure her, she just cries and cries. When my inlaws come over, she gets really anxious. They have been here a lot, helping me out with meals and trying to entertain Lana, but she wants me and me only. Luckily since Lacey is so easy going, I can actually spend a lot of time with Lana, as long as I am in a comfy chair. Even so, she does not want to be more than 10 feet away from me. It all culminated last night in a monster tantrum/cry that involved rolling on the floor, her begging me for one more hug and kiss (it killed me not to give in and walk up the stairs to do it) and Bill raising his voice, which is something he never does with her.
Yesterday was a real challenge with Lana. I felt like everything out of my mouth was me either yelling at her or at least using a stern directive voice or threat. Everything out of her mouth was "NO!" And Bill, the fun parent, the one who never yells, raised his voice to her more than once. Its a fine line because as much as I want to nurture her a little extra so she doesn't feel displaced, if you give her an inch, she takes a mile and will manipulate the hell out of you. I also don't want her to feel like as soon as her sister arrived, everyone is yelling at her. Then there is the issue with my inlaws. They want to take Lana to their house, so that I can rest but also b/c Lana is happier to hang with them when I am not there. But when they come over, she runs to me and cries that she wants them to go away. So I thinks she feels like she is being sent away. We tried yesterday to have my inlaws here with us at our house, but it was kind of a disaster. Lana wanted to play with me (which I did--we did crafts and playdoh at the dining table) and wanted nothing to do with my inlaws (which made me feel bad for them). Plus, my inlaws didn't have Chinese TV or books, so they were bored out of their minds. I thought it was great to have them here to fetch things for me in other rooms or upstairs, so I didn't have to walk all over the house and get sore.
I am probably making more of this than needs to be, since things will be more stabilized once I am healed and not hobbling around. Hopefully in another few days I will be able to hang with both girls by myself and she can feel like we are almost normal and that no one is coming to take her away and that I am still here, not in the hospital or on a trip. I feel bad for Lana, although she frustrated me to the max yesterday. I just love her so much I don't want her to feel like she lost me somewhere.
I know from all of my blogfriends posts about bringing home a new sibling that this too shall pass and that the adjustment period is hard, but the whole family adjusts and a new "normal" is established.
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8 comments:
You all will get the hang of it soon I promise. My middle daughter was 1 when my son was born it was hard for her to adjust to the new brother but it all came around and they all are a happy bunch now!
Just wanted to provide some hope - Alex was like that as a baby. He just slept and slept and only cried when he needed something. I remember when he got his 2 month shots, he slept for almost 24 hours in a row (we woke him to eat) and after that, we could not wait for the 4 month shots. HA HA! So hopefully Lacey will end up being easier as a newborn than Lana was.
Julie- all I can say is hang in there! Would hanging a picture of you on the wall next to lana's bed help? Wedid that when Lilly was having trouble missing will when he worked at night. She used to kiss him good night and talk to him as she was going to sleep. I hope things get better With LAna soon, and am so happy that you got the dream baby!
I saw your comment on my blog and decided to hop over to yours. CONGRATULATIONS!! Your new baby is beautiful! It does get better. Now that Mariele is sitting up and on the verge of crawling, Analese will actually sit in the floor and play with her! I hear lots of giggles from both of them. Mariele adores her big sister and thinks she is just the funniest person ever. I think three is a hard age, whether or not a sibling comes along;) Oh, and the sleep is a good thing. Enjoy it while you can, because she will probably "wake up" at some point.
I imagine that balancing two kids is hard. However, doing it with a crazy 3.5er seems impossible. I'm glade Lacey is laid back (so far) and is giving you some time with Lana. I hope things settle down a little for you as you start to heal and Lana starts to adjust.
Oh this is the hard, hard stuff. But you already know the answer: it will pass. It is just the emotional stuff is so hard. You want to reassure the older one, hug them, and basically reassure yourself too! But you can't! I can so relate to this and my bringing home Wy guy was a bit compounded not by stitches but by 8 weeks of bedrest PRIOR to the new baby. But it will all be ok. Give yourself 2 weeks. This will be a distance memory for her very shortly. And my tip is not to say that you are 'busy with Lacey' but to say that 'your hands are very busy right now' so that the 'blame' isn't placed on the new babe. Blogger Beth also recommended this to me. :) It IS hard but like ALL things with kids...it is temporary. Glad that you have a 'sleeping model'. I didn't get one of those. :)
So Jackson had to go to daycare today for the same reasons. He has handled everything pretty well but I could tell yesterday he was getting super bored watching me breastfeed all day, and last night he was alternately clingy to me or being defiant. When he got up this morning, I said, "Do you want to go see your friends today at daycare?" and he said yes before I could finish the sentence LOL. This way I don't feel like I'm spending the whole day yelling at him or putting him off because I'm dealing with the baby. Hopefully it will all get easier soon...
I just want to mention some advice a gal with more than one told me right before I had my second son. She told me not to worry about putting the baby down for a minute and paying attention to DS1. The baby overall would not feel resentful about it and DS1 would get the attention he was craving at that point. It worked overall - except for when DS1 insisted on calling all over me when I was nursing! that is not fun!!
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