Our Saturday

Today we had a memorial service for my dad here. He had a funeral back on the east coast a few weeks ago. My dad's wife was thoughtful enough to send some of his ashes to me in a beautiful little urn. We decided to have them buried at a local cemetery so that we could have a place to visit Dad, talk to him, bring flowers, take the girls. My inlaws already have purchased plots and we were able to get another plot in the same row, which will be very convenient in the future. So this week, I asked my friends for suggestions for poems and prayers, I spoke to the pastor, I got all the paperwork ready and yesterday I went to our garden an clipped some flowers to bring. I was actually kind of impressed with the arrangement I made, especially b/c I am not good at it and its fall, so my pickings were kind of slim. I dreaded today. A lot. I spent the whole week an insomniac, I cried often. Just thinking about having another goodbye to my dear father was overwhelming--like ripping the band-aid off all over again.

We woke up to a rainy day--a pouring rain, but the weather cleared out just in time for us to get to the cemetery. They had a tent set up, with 5 chairs to accomodate all of us--myself, Bill, mom, and my inlaws. Lana squirmed on my lap and chatted a bit, but overall she behaved quite well, considering. The pastor was terrific--he kept it simple and personal and we had the opportunity to tell some happy memories at the end--which each of us did. The sun even came out for a bit--I am not saying its divine intervention or anything, but it was uplifting to see the sun while we were talking about our memories of Dad. It was hard for me to say goodbye again, but I am comforted that a part of him is here with us, in a place he thought was so beautiful. I only wish he could have spent more time in life here--exploring the Pacific NW with us and enjoying his grand daughters. All in all the day was easier than I thought it would be, although I felt pretty tired and blue the rest of the day.

When we came home, we focused on getting the final details worked out for the baby's arrival. I washed all of the newborn clothes. My mom cleaned out our basement freezer and plugged it in, so we can put some meals in there. Bill installed the car seat base into the minivan, cursing the entire time--why is that such a maddening feat? Bill also had a fun time sanitizing the Diaper Champ which was pretty funky. I packed my bag for the hospital (finally). It felt good to get ready. I can't believe a week from Monday (or sooner) she will be here. A new baby, a new life. Holy shit, I can't believe we are starting over, doing it all again. I won't be sleeping, my boobs are going to hurt, 10 poops a day, the spitting up, hauling around that diaper bag. Will I remember how to do the baby thing? It was such a blur the first time around.

Lana had kind of a rough day too. She came down with a cold yesterday and didn't sleep well or long enough and she was a cranky cranky crankerton this morning. She cried about getting dressed, she screamed and threw a fit about putting on her shoes, she tantrumed about absolutely everything. It was nothing short of miraculous that she made it through the memorial service and lunch without incident. Then I got her a fat nap this afternoon which restored her back to normal, but now its 10:30pm and she is still awake in her room talking away.

Now I am relaxing with some strawberries I am spreading with nutella. I am obsessed with nutella all of a sudden. I don't know why, but its good, real good.