Sweet memories

Our dear friends S & N had their first baby yesterday--a girl! Lana has a cousin--YAY! Bill and I are both only children, so our dear friends are considered family to us. Anyway, they called the other night to say that N's water had broken and they were going to the hospital and I couldn't sleep just thinking about them and how everything was about to change for them. I thought about that afternoon, two years ago when Bill and I were driving to the hospital and I said "I'm so nervous" about 300 times. It was such a lovely, sunny May day in San Diego--I was being induced and I had NO idea what to expect--who does, really? I ended up with a C-section b/c every doc that examined me said--whoa, that's one small pelvis--there is no way a baby is coming out of there! Anyway, I remember hearing Lana's cry (LOUD!) and seeing her round face for the first time. I was thinking about how little she was and how cute she looked under the blue lights for her jaundice treatment. I was thinking about how natural it felt to hold her and how terrified I felt to be left alone with her b/c I had no clue what I was doing. Ugh, I remember getting out of bed to go pee for the first time and thinking, are you kidding me? I have to walk all the way across the room? Ouchie! I remember the pain of my milk coming in and the bitchy lactation consultant that made me cry trying to get me motivated to breastfeed through the pain. I also remember Bill standing on one side of me and the lactation bitch on the other as they both "milked" me like a cow, while I screamed and sweat, trying to relieve the engorgement. That was the most unnatural moment of my life. I remember bringing Lana home to our apartment, filled with moving boxes (we moved across the country 6 weeks later) and how she slept on her side, even though we put her on her back and how it made me so nervous. She was defiant and independent even then--I should have known what I was in for! I remember the colic--the freakin colic! Bill studying for boards with a screaming baby in his arms. Me, losing my mind b/c I was pumping and then bottle feeding and then Lana would sleep and I would wash the pump parts and then there was only 30 min till the next feeding. A person cannot survive on 30 min naps round the clock.

Okay, so this post started off sweet and turned into a remembrance of how hard it was. But I guess that is what the first few weeks were like for us. What I know now that I didn't know then was that the tough times pass and it gets easier. You don't sleep for 30 min stretches for the rest of your life. The colic ends (thankfully) and eventually you figure out what the screaming blob of baby wants or at least how to make them chill for 10 min. Bill is ready for baby #2. I am not quite there yet, although I am open to the idea of it in the relatively near future. I wonder how it will be different the second time around. Will I be less nervous? More confident? How will Lana react? Will she be jealous or a helper? Who knows! All I do know is when you see that new baby for the first time, it is true love and that alone makes all the tough times totally totally worth it and then some!

Congratulations S & N if you are reading--may you enjoy every moment of your miracle!