We went to San Diego for a few days just to get away after Bill's big exam. We figured it would be low-stress, since we used to live there--we would know how to get around, where to eat great meals and we wouldn't have to open a tour book. Bill was looking forward to this trip so much, even though it was just a long weekend b/c he has been so stressed and was excited about just sitting around.
The flight was seamless, except for the fact that all 3 of our seats were separated and when I tried to get at least 2 of them together, the airline employee said that on paper a 3 year old can technically sit by herself. I tried to remain composed as I explained that this is not a possibility and he suggested we take a later flight if they couldn't switch the seats. Luckily they switched the seats and I sat with Lana and this man didn't have a big red hand print across his face, b/c seriously I was contemplating it. Have I mentioned that I have rage issues during this pregnancy?
We get to San Diego and check into the hotel and Lana says the dreaded sentence, "Mommy, my tummy hurts". I figure she needs to poop and she does and I think its all over. But no, its not. On the drive to dinner, Lana is uncharacteristically silent and as we pull into the restaurant, she says, "Mommy, I have heartburn" and then she starts freaking out in the way that she does right before she pukes. I yell to Bill to get her out of the carseat and car, while I dash to the trunk to grab the plastic pail we just bought for the beach (very handy, I might add). Bill is holding her over the bushes and she is freaking out still and here is the kicker that made me want to cry on the spot: Lana says--"Mommy, don't worry, I am not sick. Don't be nervous." I felt like a horrible person. I have totally projected my phobia and obsessiveness about illness onto her. She is about to puke and the only thing she can think about is protecting me from my incessant worry that is invading my life.
So she didn't puke. We got our food take-out, although I didn't feel like eating after this. We went back to the hotel and she had a few more episodes of nearly puking into the pail, with us encouraging her to spit it out and not swallow it, but she never gave it up. This is also how I roll, by the way--I hover and spit, but rarely puke. I spent practically the whole night lamenting with Bill about how our vacation was ruined by illness, how I was probably next in line b/c I have no immune system, how my anxiety disorder seems to be returning (in the past few weeks I have noticed some symptoms again) and about how he cannot understand it and that makes him feel sorry for me. The next morning she had a low-grade fever and no appetite, but she did take fluids and small snacks and she had a good attitude, so we decided to go to the beach and play in the sand--which was so very fun!
We managed to salvage the weekend into sessions at the beach in the sand (but not much swimming b/c of the waves) and time at the hotel pool. The weather was a little cool, but we like it that way. Lana's appetite has not returned yet, which is so challenging when you travel and are eating in restaurants with limited choices anyway. I will post photos of the beach excursions in another post.
It was an okay weekend, just not quite as relaxing as I had hoped. I think Bill was relaxed, but I wasn't as much as I wanted to be. I see that I am most likely going to be having a repeat performance of treating my anxiety, once this pregnancy is over. I know many many women take SSRIs while breastfeeding, but I am not convinced of the long-term effects and I don't know if I want to do it. No judgement whatsoever about those who do though. I do have a dream of successful breastfeeding, but formula is not the poison that some people make it out to be. Its just expensive. I just don't want to miss out on the joys in life, just b/c I am worried about crap I cannot control. Its a huge huge waste of energy. My brain knows this, but my body does not respond accordingly. It sucks.
So we returned to the Pacific NW to record heat. No joke. Its going to be like 90-95 here, which may not seem very hot except NOBODY HAS AIR CONDITIONING!!!! Its freakin hot. Have I mentioned that I don't like the heat? Oh yeah, and I am pregnant, so my mom predicted it would be the hottest summer on record, just because I am pregnant. At least its not humid. I will never ever forget the disgustingness of being on a CTA bus packed with people in July in Chicago with no air conditioning. Its the worst stink you can imagine, plus with the humidity you totally need a shower afterwards.
I need to figure out what to cook this week that doesn't involve turning on the oven. Any suggestions from you people who live in normally warm climates?
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6 comments:
I'm so sorry that your vacation wasn't as nice as you had planned. What is it about kids and their tummys? I guess since they are still growing it's beneficial for them to throw up easy. Yuck.
As far as medication and breast feeding goes, that's a tough one. I take a tricyclic antidepressant that is a Class C drug and is not safe for breastfeeding. The two years I was off it were rough. I'm glad I made it through 15 months of breast feeding, but I do think a switch to formula around 6 months might have made many things easier for me. It really sucks to have to make decisions between two things you really want and need.
For cooking on hot days I recommend a crock pot meal if you have one. Not only does it not heat up the kitchen, you also don't have to do much work. If that's not an option, simple burritos are quick on the stove and don't create too much heat.
What a bummer Julie--about Lana getting sick, but also about your anxiety returning. Don't be so hard on yourself, though. You should commend yourself for recognizing signs, and going forward to figure out a game plan. I know you don't want to go on meds, so I hope you won't have to. But like you said, the price of formula is not as high as the price of your sanity, right? In the end, your kids need their mommy more than anything else. In the meantime, try cooking in your microwave! And take advantage of take-out and the deli at the grocery store. Do you guys have AC? If not, maybe consider a window unit for your bedroom? Hugs to you! Hang in there.
A three year old can technically sit by herself on an airplane??? I have friends who are 30 and can't sit on an airplane by themselves with out freaking out! That is just ridiculous and I am glad they worked it out.
I'm sorry to hear about your anxiety and I hope it subsides soon. I agree with Beth and think it is great that you are being honest with yourself about the symptoms and conciously working to not let them become a problem.
As far as the hot days thing, I feel your pain - it has been 103 or higher here for a week now and we only have a swamp cooler, so I know how it feels to break into a sweat every time you turn the oven on. If you can eat it (and more importantly if you can convince Lana to eat it), I recommend gazpacho.
I feel your pain on a few levels...you know we're in the desert and it's SO HOT right now. I actually thought I was going to pass out waiting for the AC to kick in in my car the other day. Add late pregnancy and you have a miserable person.
You reminded me of a lovely little trip we took to Denver for a family wedding last year -- everything was going great until we took my mom and J to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. After waiting for 45 minutes to be seated, before we could even order the food he said, "My tummy hurts" and vomited right there on the table! There was a huge pregnant lady across from us with the most horrified look on her face, like she couldn't believe parenthood included that kind of scene LOL.
We eat pasta salads, salads, fruit, etc when it is hot. By the way, I think having a second makes whatever weakness you have come out in full bloom. I would suggest talk to your doctor early on if you feel your anxiety is coming back. No, need to deal with that again!
Do you use Elana's technique on Lana whenever she pukes?
Close the eyes, cover the ears, cover the nose, hold back the hair...
"I don't want to see it, smell it or hear it...and I don't want my hair to get in it!"
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