Stir crazy Part 2 and Post partum report

When I posted about going nuts being stuck in the house, I must have been really tired or out of it (damn narcotics--still taking them--ugh!) b/c I forgot half of what I intended to say. Thanks to Desi for her idea about baking cookies, yesterday Lana and I made Halloween cut out cookies, complete with frosting and sprinkles and a holy hell of a mess. I figured if I must craft, an edible craft is a plus for sure. Aside from a few incidents of not listening, or complete lack of recognition that I am speaking--i.e. pretending to have a hearing deficit, we had a fun time. I only had to raise my voice once or twice, which takes the fun out of things, but whatever, I think Lana is going as batty as I am. We made some delicious and beautiful (ugly) pumpkins, bats and ghosts. The cleanup took longer than the project itself and Lana was high on sugar when we were done. But it killed the morning, so mission accomplished.

Last weekend we went to Trader Joes (all 4 of us) and this nutjob approaches me and scolds me for bringing my baby to the store and that I should not take her out of the house until she is 3 months old! Okay lady, would you like to do my shopping for me? Who does this? I basically told her that it was none of her business, but I said it nicely and she smiled back. I told you--nutjob. I did learn however that TJs on the weekend is overly crowded and that the weekdays are better for us all to be out. What the crazy lady didn't realize is that she was talking to a germaphobe and I have already been obsessing plenty about germ exposure and my clean, unimmunized newborn in the middle of not just your average flu season, but H1N1 hysteria flu season. But I cannot possibly stay literally inside my home for 3 months--I will lose my noodle. I could probably isolate myself if it was just a newborn, but with the toddler, no way, not possible--we will drive each other totally nuts. So I spoke to my pediatrician about it. She is great--reasonable, rational and she has a way of calming me down when I am a wee bit tightly wound. She recommended we abstain from toddler playdates until Lacey is one month old and after that, to remind friends that if anyone in their house has even a runny nose, we should postpone. Luckily my friends are very understanding of my phobia and concerns, so that shouldn't be a problem. Of course, Lana is in preschool, so it is inevitable that she will get sick and bring it home and we will pass it around. My ped put it this way: there are things you can control and you should and then there is the stuff you can't control, so live your life. She also said we should all be immunized for seasonal AND H1N1 shots, since Lacey can't receive either vaccine, this should prevent us from bringing it home and infecting her (theoretically at least). Winter sickness is inevitable. Lacey will get sick. Heck, we will all get sick. But a fever in a newborn means a trip to the ER and the ER is a germaphobe's hell on earth.

Here I am almost 3 weeks post partum and I am doing great! Except for the whole pain in the belly part. The other day I was thinking that I had great pain control and I would start decreasing my meds. But after I re-injured myself carrying Lacey in her car seat, I am back to where I started. I can handle taking the car seat and snapping it into the snap n go, but I can't haul that bucket around. Lesson learned. So physically, its still slow going and I feel like wimp. At least my incision looks good and healthy, although I am scared to rip off those tapes.

But mentally, I am fantastic! After Lana was born, I was a mess. Nothing was going right. I remember going to my 2 week post-op appointment and I was crying to my OB. I cried a lot, every day. It was harder than I expected. I wasn't good at it. I didn't understand my baby. Newborns are a puzzle I couldn't solve and I didn't understand why people had babies. I felt like my life as I knew it was over, I would never sleep again, I would never eat a meal without shoveling it in. Who cared about eating anyway, I just wanted to sleep. Plus my boobies were so sore that I couldn't even wear a shirt--the chafing! My neighbors (we lived in an apartment) got a free show, but I didn't care. Miserable didn't cover how I felt. This experience haunted me the entire time I was pregnant with Lacey. I did NOT want to do newborn again. I was wishing we could just fast forward to 6 months old. I braced myself.

I braced myself for nothing. This time, I feel happy, elated even. I thought maybe I was just in the honeymoon period or something, so I keep waiting for my normal anxious self to show up. But she is not here. I am just happy. So far, it hasn't been so hard (Sorry, Desi, I feel like I am stealing your post). I love snuggling Lacey, I love feeding her, I love looking at her. I love love love watching Lana interact with Lacey. I feel so relieved that Lana seems to like her (so far). I am relieved that I can handle both girls by myself (so far) and we haven't had any major meltdowns (myself included). Even in the morning, getting Lana ready and all of us out the door by 8am has worked out okay. A little harried, but we made it on time. I actually feel like I can do this. I have TWO kids! Wow! I never thought I would have any kids, let alone two. I look at my girls when they are not watching me and I am so taken by the miracle that they are. The miracle that we created these beautiful children, two new lives. Its amazing that two little cells become a whole being and that this lump of baby turns into a walking, talking, creative, intelligent little person. I know its cliche, but this miracle of life business is no joke. An unbelievable miracle indeed! I know its still early and it could still show up, but my fears of the return of PPD or PP anxiety or whatever are unfounded so far. Because of this, I am able to really enjoy this newborn phase in a way I did not think was possible for me. This is truly one hell of a do-over! Yay to that! I predict that the first winter sickness in our house will be my buzzkill, but we will get through it b/c now I know something I didn't know 3.5 years ago--everything is a phase and we will be okay.