The Honeymoon is Over

What a week! The tides have turned. We were doing great, I was in that super happy--everything is going super--mood and then last weekend it all started with Lana having a case of the 3.5 year old crazies. She was just so sour--she woke up pissed off and Bill and I were just counting down until bedtime. There was little improvement all week. It didn't help that it rained and was gloomy all week. We blew through probably $50 in crafts by about Wednesday. Listening? Obedience? Out the window! Me yelling? You betcha! Me losing my shit? At times, a little overboard I admit. It all peaked on Thursday after she came back from a school field trip that I didn't attend. She lost it, I lost it and when Bill came home I begged him to take her out to give me a time out. I ate 8 pieces of chocolate and I would have had some wine if I wasn't still taking narcotics (dammit).

It was tough, but I expected tough days. And so it was. But what I didn't know is that Friday would be an extra tough day.

Friday morning Lana woke up sweet. Ahhhh, thank goodness! To celebrate, I took Lana (and Lacey) to the pet store to look at the fish, birds, cats, etc. We are not a pet household, so this is all pretty novel for her. We walked around for a while and decided to get lunch at a taco place down the street. We piled in the car, drove down the street and I was thinking that this would be my first restaurant experience with both girls on my own and I would probably need to nurse at some point during our lunch. No biggie, I can do this. I can do TWO kids. When we got there, we got out of the car, I put Lacey's infant seat in the snap n go and I pushed while Lana walked next to me. I usually hold Lana's hand when we walk in parking lots, but this time I didn't. She was being obedient and it wasn't crowded. Then Lana tripped on the curb. She landed on her face. There was blood, a lot of blood. She was hysterical and inside, so was I. But I tried to remain as calm as I could, which was not very calm. I immediately let go of the stroller, which started to roll a little. There was a man who grabbed it. (WHY THE EFF DID I DO THAT?) I grabbed Lana and held her. She wouldn't let me look in her mouth to see how bad it was. I instructed the man to get me some ice and napkins from the restaurant. I briefly checked Lana for the presence of her teeth and I put the ice on her bleeding mouth. This whole time, Lacey is sleeping and I have to grab everything and get us to Bill's office. We are about 20 min away. I don't recall driving there, I just drove so fast. I am not good with medical emergencies--I looked back a few times at Lana and her lips were swollen twice the size. The blood! Her nose was scraped up too.

We got to Bill's office and he took her to the exam room and was so calm. Zen-like even. I guess that's why he is a real doctor and I am a fake one--LOL. I just don't have the personality for it. Plus, when its your kid with a bleeding owie, its a whole different ballgame. Probably those of you with boys have been through bleeding injuries before, but this was our first one (likely not our last), so it was new territory for me. Lana is also the kid who cries like crazy when she gets a hangnail. You can imagine the crying associated with this one! Bill cleaned her up, determined there was no major injury, put some lidocaine on her lip and gave her a piece of gauze to hold to her mouth until the bleeding stopped. When we got home, we could not get her to drink any water or anything, so forget about food. She held the gauze to her mouth for hours. We could not convince her to take it off. Its the quietest she has ever been. No talking for hours? Wow. As I am cuddling her on the sofa, I notice she feels warm, so I take her temp and its 99. Goodie, a fever too? Maybe its just the crying or related to the injury. It continues all evening and gets no higher than 100. This totally kills my plan for us getting the H1N1 vax on Saturday. And it makes me stressed about Lacey getting a fever virus.

As I got into bed last night after such a nutty day and hard week overall, I think about how I had so many regrets about how I handled the injury and myself as a mom. Why didn't I hold her hand? Why did I let go of Lacey's stroller? Why can't I be more collected in these moments? She is so perceptive, I know I made it worse when I picked her off the sidewalk and saw the blood--the look on my face was NOT reassuring. I know I am being a little hard on myself, but I can't help it. I wish I did things differently. It also made me think about how I pray that nothing seriously bad ever happens to my girls. This was a minor injury, but the thought of something worse? I can't even go there.

Saturday AM, Lana is fever-free, so we go get our H1N1 vax--whew! At least that is over and is one less thing I need to worry about. But when we get home, Lana starts sneezing and is super boogery. Great! A cold!!! I took her temp again and its 99. Even better, I just got her a vax during an illness--another banner parenting move by me. She continued to have the drippy nose and fever on and off all day. Poor thing was so pathetic between the illness and the injury. We gave her ice pops, jello and a lot of noodle soup and tofu. Of course, now I am super stressed about Lacey getting the cold and more importantly the fever. Over 100 and we are going to the ER for a spinal tap. Poor Lana kept trying to hug and kiss Lacey and of course I told her not to, which led to her crying about how I think that Lana doesn't love Lacey anymore. I tried to explain to her why she can't be near Lacey, but she doesn't understand how illness is transmitted. I spend so much time trying to get Lana to dig her sister and now I am telling her to stay away from her.

Lacey is a little fussy and her nose is a little drippy, but she doesn't have a fever--yet. Lana is still feverish on and off, which could be the cold or the vax. Lana's nose is a faucet and she is sneezing everywhere. i am trying to contain the germs, but it seems a little pointless.

I am so annoyed b/c we have literally been at home for a month. I have made one trip to Walmart, one to Trader Joes and that's about it. Lana has only been to my inlaws and school. We did everything we could to be isolated and stay at home and we STILL got sick. Grr. Ah, well I just hope if Lacey gets the cold she doesn't get a fever, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if my next post is about our first trip to the ER.