Gratitude, compassion and poop

How's that for a title? So much is going on and I have so little time, so this is going to be one of those I am all over the place kind of posts.

The sympathy cards are pouring in every day. They have not stopped. Its crazy, really. Beautiful letters and notes from friends, relatives I haven't seen in 15 years, friends' parents, even one from my Dad's boss whom I have never even met. They don't make me sad, they make me proud of my Dad and they make me smile. Weird. I am grateful, so very grateful for all of these people who are thinking of me during this time. Its overwhelming the love I feel from others.

I have received compassion and grace in the strangest of places. Like my father in law, who is not confident enough in the English language to say much of anything to me directly, said to me: "In the Chinese Buddhist tradition, when a man passes away peacefully, like your daddy, it means that he was a good man, the best kind of man and now he is in Paradise." It was very touching to me and strangely reassuring. Perhaps b/c I often think--what if my whole belief system is not how the world works? It was helpful on some level to think that even from the Buddhist point of view, Dad is in a good place and he is happy.

Then there is Lana. She asks me where is heaven. I told her up in the sky, higher than the clouds. She waves to Grandpa Dennis up in the sky. She makes him a pretend blueberry pie, wraps it up in a box with a ribbon and a note, "To Grandpa, from Lana. We miss you." and she throws it toward the sky and asks me if he likes it. She asked me if Grandpa sleeps on the fluffy soft white clouds and if he still is feeling sick. The perspective of a 3 year old is so fascinating.

I am doing the best I can to cope with all of this. I guess its relatively easy for me b/c I am far away and I am just going about my business. When I stop and think about it, of course I feel very sad, and I expect that as time goes on it will hit me in different and unexpected ways, especially as the baby comes along and as the holidays approach. I have also been very distracted b/c my grandparents came for a visit from Florida and stayed with us for the past week and a half. My uncle and his girlfriend from Arizona were here too. So to say I have been busy is an understatement. They all left this morning and I am trying to take a deep breath in and enjoy some solitude.

Finally, the poop part: LANA FINALLY POOPED ON THE POTTY!!! Big news people, big news! She has been pee trained since last year November, but has been very scared about pooping on the potty--she has been asking for a Pull-Up, crapping in it and then we changed her right away--we have been doing this for months and months. I was beginning to think she would be starting Kindergarten with a Pull-Up in her back pack. I had tried all the methods--bribery, encouragement, forgetting about it, naked days, undies or nothing at all (she held it for a week), cutting a hole in the pull-up and sitting her on the potty, but none of it worked. Then my mom took her to the toilet and after she peed, my mom said, "When you poop, this is how we will wipe" and she gave her a demo. I think this did the trick. Maybe she was confused about how she would get cleaned up? The next day, she did it and here's the best part--she did it for Bill!! He misses all the milestones, but he was thrilled and honored to get the pooping one! She has done it now consistently for 4 days and she is so very proud of herself. I swear I almost cried when I saw her face beaming with pride that she finally did it. Then I called myself lame and got over it. We made a huge deal about it. We baked a cake, she got the Spaghetti Factory Play Doh set she has been coveting, Bill even did a handstand and knocked the pictures off the wall by mistake! It is such a great gift to me especially with the new baby coming (3 more weeks--eek!).

So there you have it, the serious, the surprising and the totally ridiculous. I guess that's how I should answer when people ask me, "So how are you doing?" Or I could just say that I am doing as well as can be expected.