Getting ready

Today is the first day I feel like we are actually preparing for this baby's arrival. It is amazing how very different my mindset is this time around. Last weekend we had a garage sale and while I was going through boxes of crap in our basement, I ran across a few baby things from Lana that I pulled out--crib sheets, a bumper, a changing pad cover, a baby bjorn, an infant bathtub and that's about it. I did manage to bring them upstairs to the new baby's room and throw them in the closet. How is that for preparedness?

Today Bill put together Lana's old crib and set the mattress at the highest level, which looks so weird. Bill took the guest bed that currently occupies the new baby's room and shoved it over to the wall, making room for the crib and changing table. I washed the sheets and put them on the crib, along with the crib skirt and the bumper. I even went through baby clothes and organized them by size and hung the 0-3 month stuff in the closet. I didn't wash them or take any tags off (I have purchased a *few* things in my travels at Target and such), but at least I know what I have and what I may need, which I determined today is not much at all. This is the beauty of having another girl! There is very little that I need to buy--yay to that! Plus my friend Jamie let me borrow a whole pile of adorable 0-3 month clothes from her daughter, so really I am well-stocked with clothes. I did purchase some blackout curtains, pink of course, for the nursery that Bill still needs to hang, but that has been my only major purchase so far. I know the details of all of this are very boring, but I have to say that as I sat in the new baby's room after I finished all of the above mundane tasks, I really had a moment or twelve of disbelief that we are going to be welcoming a new baby into our family in 6 short weeks, or is it 7 weeks? I never remember how far along I am. Anyway, it feels real today. A baby. A new life. I am so curious. What will she be like? What will Lana think of her? What will she think of Lana? I hope they like each other, some of the time at least. I am so not looking forward to the sleep deprivation.

I am so overwhelmed with the blessing of this baby because now that we have Lana, I understand more fully the love you have for your child and what they bring to your life. When I was pregnant with Lana, all I felt was fear because I had no clue what I was doing having a baby--I didn't know anything about children, let alone tiny babies! I was just hoping that I wouldn't suck at it. This time, I have a totally different perspective. I feel like I know what I am getting myself into (which is a bit scary, but more exciting too), I feel so very lucky and I know that I may not be the best parent in the world all of the time, but that we will get through the rough patches and we will all be fine on the other side. And the good parts totally outweigh the challenges. I know that now, but I didn't when Lana was born.

My biggest concern is how Lana will fare throughout this transition. I know most big siblings have a tough time at first, but that they adjust and everybody falls into their new role in the family eventually. I am pretty convinced that Lana will act out, will not be pleased with me being occupied with the baby and will in general feel jealous. I do think that over time, it will be good for her to have a little sister. She likes to pretend to be a teacher, she certainly loves to be bossy and she relishes her accomplishments as a big girl. It just may take a while for her to see the positive side of being a big sister.

I have also been thinking a lot about my repeat C-section. While its nice to have a fairly concrete plan this time around--I mean I have a date and time which is pretty set unless I go into labor sooner, but even so, I will still be having the surgery--but I am more apprehensive about the actual surgery and recovery. I have dreams about it. I have heard every single nightmare story of C-section complications. I remember my hangover from the spinal where the room was spinning and I was begging for Zofran. I remember getting up to go pee--OMG the ouchie!! I recall walking hunchback for a long time. I remember loving my percoset for at least 2 weeks and feeling really goofy and weak the first time I went to Wal-Mart with my mom to buy some diapers. That reminds me, I should probably start buying some diapers. Anyway, I remember the recovery was long and I was a wimp about pain. This time Bill will only be off of work for like 4 days and I will have Miss Impatient Lana to deal with as well. I will have my inlaws come over to help with Lana and meal preparation, so I am lucky for that. I know I will get through it one way or another, but its definitely on my mind these days.

In other pregnancy-related topics, my morning sickness seems to have returned. Goodie. This happened when I was pregnant with Lana as well. Somewhere in the third trimester I felt icky again. The thing is with Lana, I felt pretty shitty the whole pregnancy, so I noticed the severity increased again in the third trimester and it was do disappointing. This time around my morning sickness was pretty mild in the first trimester, actually it only occurred in the evening and then it was gone. But the last few days all around dinnertime, I have been feeling pretty queasy. It happens at the same time everyday and its gone the next morning, so it must be a morning sickness type of thing. Its ruining dinner for me though, so I am trying to eat my big meal at lunch. I feel pretty wonky right now as I am typing this. Blech.

It felt good today to get organized and prepared as much as I can. Kind of like the way cleaning used to make me feel. My friend A recently posted the most hilarious and appropriate thought on facebook the other day: "Cleaning while you have children is like shoveling while its still snowing." Is this not SO TRUE!?!