Taking a break...

I am not going to be blogging about kid stuff for a few days or weeks even. I can't even think about anything other than my dad right now. He was admitted to the hospital over the weekend with shortness of breath. He has fluid around his heart and lungs, which they drained, but he is still having a lot of trouble breathing. The cancer has spread to his liver. I spoke to his oncologist by phone and he said that the situation is quite serious and that he likely has only days to a couple of weeks to live. Hospice is visiting the family today, but I am not sure when he will be released from the hospital.

I am in my 35/36 week of pregnancy. I am trying to get a hold of my doctor to see if I can travel. After doing some research, I don't know if this is the best idea. At this stage of pregnancy, flying presents a significant increase in risk of waters breaking, going into labor or getting a DVT. They recommend if you have to fly, it should be a short flight, so that you don't get dehydrated. There are no direct flights from Seattle to Richmond and its conservatively a 7h trip, plus layovers. I am unable to safely deliver vaginally since my pelvic bones are too narrow, plus I have already had a C-section, so an emergency VBAC on a plane does not sound like a good idea. Factor in the stress of the situation--I just don't know if I should do it. This of course means that I may never see my dad again and I will likely miss his funeral. I feel terribly sad and guilty. If I wasn't this pregnant, I would have been on a plane last night.

Please don't criticize my decision, I have already been crying for days and I feel like crap. My friends have been wonderful, beyond wonderful and I wonder how lucky I am to have met such selfless, generous and supportive women in the short time I have been living here. The faraway friends have been awesome too, just for the record.

Lana has been having lots of questions, which have been difficult to answer. I think to some extent she understands what is going on, but it breaks my heart to have to answer questions that even I don't know the answer to, about death, heaven, etc. These little kids are far more intuitive that we give them credit for. I feel kind of bad too b/c she has been sitting in front of the tv a little too much and I haven't been the most engaged mother. My inlaws are taking her today so that I can talk to my doctor, my dad and do any errands that I need to take care of.