Mom stress

Last night I went to my bookclub meeting and was complaining a bit about Lana and her tantrums as of late. She definitely goes through stages where she just cannot cope with the rules, even though she knows the rules and the consequences. Oh, there are some days when sweet Lana is around when she is so agreeable, but on other days she basically says "no" to everything. Actually she says, "no because..." and then some reason why her answer is no. She defends herself, although most of the time the reason is not very convincing. When we have a "no because" kind of day, a tantrum or a visit to the listening corner is inevitable and I just try to remain patient and remind myself its a phase. Last week there was an incident in Target where she did not want to leave the toy section. I counted to 3, no action, so I put her in the cart. Actually, my mom and I both struggled to get her in the cart while she screamed and kicked. She freaked out. Imagine the worst public outburst you have seen in public and that was me. We left immediately and it took the both of us to get her in her carseat all the while she screamed like she was possessed. I broke down in tears. Tears of frustration, embarrassment and probably some other shit that is going on in life that just made it all feel worse.

But this post isn't about Lana's tantrums, because I am sure that I am not the only one out there going through this from time to time (RIGHT?). When I mentioned this incident at my bookclub last night, one of the women who is a bit older than me, but does not have children said that she feels that her decision to never have kids probably has saved her a lot of stress in life. It got me thinking: Do I feel more stress having become a parent?

I should state that stress and I are not buddies. In graduate school I developed chronic heartburn which led me to lose too much weight and later, I got an ulcer. Once I graduated, my heartburn went away. I have always been pretty critical of myself, a perfectionist and I almost always felt a little inadequate in my profession. It sounds like I have self-esteem issues, but I don't think that's it--I think my job stressed me out to the max. I feel more confident in other areas of my life, but there was something about the academic environment that always made me feel that way.

Back to my question. I thought about this all day and I think that while I have moments or days of stress as a parent, its a different kind of stress. Oh, there is still that self-doubt--am I disciplining her consistently enough? Am I feeding her too many snacks? Does she watch too much tv? Does she feel feverish or am I imagining things? Beyond this, I feel so relaxed most of the time. We do so many fun things together. I am so proud of her accomplishments. The love she gives (when she is in the mood) is so fulfilling. Sometimes I could simply burst with joy, just in the simple moments of parenthood.

I will say that if I was working, as a scientist specifically, with the stress I used to have when I was working--I don't know how I would cope with the added stress of parenthood. Kudos to working moms everywhere!

So while I feel like yes parenthood can be stressful, my job was way way way more stressful. I think I am the most zen I have ever been in my life, so I certainly can't complain about that. Plus the happy, hilarious moments of being Lana's mom totally outweigh the crazy tantrums in Target.