A couple of days after my dad passed away my maternal grandparents came to visit from Florida. They are in their mid-eighties and I was so impressed and grateful that they made the long journey from Tampa to Seattle to visit us. We had planned this visit long before my dad declined and we decided that the company would be very comforting to me. I didn't mention this visit previously because as it turned out, in the days following my dad's death, I was too overwhelmed to really deal with anything, let alone having house guests. My grandfather is on oxygen now and it was the first time he traveled with the portable tank. My grandmother is totally overwhelmed with his care and his health issues, and rightly so. It was a stressful visit for them, I was emotionally spent (and 9 months pregnant) and I felt like the world's biggest brat for feeling this way. In addition, my mom's youngest brother was visiting from Arizona and his significant other--so we had a full house! It was a rare and special time for my grandparents to have 2 of their children together, plus a grand daughter and great-grand daughter. Plus, it was their anniversary--61 years together!! We took them out for a nice dinner and had a toast and my grandfather got emotional--it was a special moment indeed.
Anyway, while my grandparents were visiting, we did a lot of talking. My grandfather is becoming aware of his mortality. He is aware that he is nearing the end of his life, his health is not great. He feels like a burden to my grandmother. It sucks actually. But he said something that really sticks in my mind and I have been thinking about lately. We were talking about fathers--how the role has changed over the years. How parenting can be so stressful and busy, especially when the kids are young. He was recalling how when his 3 kids were little, he worked all day, came home and ate dinner in like 5 minutes and then went over to his house that he was building, pretty much by himself, with his own two hands and expertise and he would work there until 10 or 11pm and come home and do it all over again the next day. This was in a time when there was no Home Depot! Imagine that! Anyway, we were talking about how some fathers are present and some are not--some dads just aren't involved emotionally or physically in their children's lives. And he said with a tear in his eye, "When my kids were little, these were the best years of my life." I can't get this out of my mind lately. Lana has been great, so sweet and wonderful. She was sitting on the sofa last night telling me about her imaginary monsters and what they were wearing and saying and doing and I was really focused on the moment (for once) and I looked at my happy, smart kid and her sweetly sleeping baby sister and I thought--these are the best years of my life.
I hope to remember this during all the trying times and tantrums and ridiculous moments of having a 3.5 year old, but its true--these kids are little and it goes so fast--soon they will be teenagers and will be too cool to hang with us.
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5 comments:
So true! I sometimes forget in all the rushing to slow down and enjoy. Thanks for the reminder!
Awww *tear* this was a great post. I try to remind myself of the same thing when I'm having a tough day. Even though it's really hard being a young family these days I remind myself of how few people my age have the security that I have. A husband and a son who love me!
As always, beautiful post.
My dad was very active in my brother, sister and my childhoods. I don't know how he did it. He worked all day and then came home and took all three of us so my mom could get things done. On the weekends, he would drag all three of us down to the shore. I don't know when he slept. But, I'm damn glad he did it. I feel bad for fathers that miss out on that because of perceptions of how men should be.
Beautiful post, Julie. I will keep reminding myself of that, too.
Great post! Geez! Too much emotion over here. It is true. We all know it is true. We try to both cherish it and gut it out. In the same day. I had one of those moments where you stare at your kids and think, "wow, I am SO lucky" yesterday as well. Thanks for the good reminder.
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