This weekend was the 2 year anniversary of my father's death. I have been fully aware of it, the dreaded date, that it was approaching. I am not an overly sentimental person, but there is something about my dad's birthday, Father's Day and the anniversary of his passing that just get me. I try to forget it, to remind myself that its just another day, but I still woke up in a bad mood and shed a few tears before even getting out of bed. Luckily we had a lot of fun things planned for the day, to keep me occupied and my BFF remembered and called me and that felt good too.
Most of the time I am okay. I remember in the days after he died, I wondered if I would feel true happiness and laughter again and how long it would take for me to not feel distracted by grief. But as time goes on, its true that it becomes easier and normalcy returns. Most days I don't think about the loss, but I definitely think about Dad, often in a happy way--like he would love this or he would think this is so funny. But then out of nowhere, something seemingly innocuous happens and bam--I am bawling my eyes out. Like when Amalah was pregnant and her father lost his battle with cancer. I regularly read her blog because she is so darn witty and funny and then I read those posts and her writing is so beautiful and poignant and wow, it was like re-living those final days all over again, except that she was actually there, with her dad and I was not.
In these two years, sadness and pain have given way to remembering the good memories, especially my dad's super hilarious sense of humor. Dad loved to laugh. Dad had this key chain, from one of those goofy novelty stores, called the Fart Master. It has sound effects for various toots like the Power, the Nervous, the Ripper, the Cough-Fart. You don't get the full effect unless you hear it in person. Its totally in bad taste, but it would make him laugh every time. My stepmom gave it to Lana (per Lana's request), so now we own our very own Fart Master key chain. What a legacy! He would think its funny that we are playing with the Fart Master, laughing away, thinking of him.
My stepmom also forwarded some photo albums from Dad's childhood and some really interesting artifacts from my paternal grandparents including recipes from the candy store my grandfather ran years ago. These recipes are hand written in a tiny black book and date back to the 1940s or 50s. Crazy cool stuff.
It's hard for me to look at the photos of Dad and I together. It just highlights the relationship that I miss. I can't believe it has been two years since I have talked to him, heard his voice, swapped a recipe. The biggest dagger to the heart though is that he was so excited to be a grandpa and he loved Lana so much, even though he didn't see her that often, but he died 31 days before Lacey was born. I wish he could have met Lacey, held her, watched her grow just a little bit. I knew this cancer would take his life, but I was hoping and praying for a year or two. Lacey is so much like my dad--she is a cuddler, she is funny and a little quiet, she has his long narrow feet. He would have just adored her! Lana claims to remember her grandpa, even though the last time she saw him she wasn't even 3. We talk about him a lot, things he used to say, things he loved. He loved being a grandpa. Loved it.
The other thing that continues to plague me, two years later is regret. I have regret--loads of it. When someone gets diagnosed with cancer, even if the prognosis is grim, doctors advise the patient to have a positive outlook--you have to have hope that you can beat it and win. There is plenty of research that shows that attitude makes a difference. I always tried to put a positive spin on things, even when there didn't seem to be any good news. We all tried to lift his spirits, tell him his fight would be worth it, that there was only one more round of chemo left and he could get a break. I know this was the right thing to do at the time, but I can't help feeling like I didn't get to really talk to him about his life, our life. I never thanked him for being a great father. I wish I would have visited him once a month, even though he was on the other side of the country because when a person is gone, they are gone forever and I should have just done it, despite the distance and cost. I also regret not being there for his final few days. Yes I was 36 weeks pregnant, but I wish now that I was there, like Amalah was, to hold his hand and have that conversation. I know he would have wanted me to keep Lacey safe in my belly and not travel, but I don't know if that feeling of regret will ever leave me.
My dad was a wonderful father. The best kind of dad that always loves you and supports you. He was never critical and I can't even remember one instance where he raised his voice. It has become clear to me, more than ever recently, that not everyone is blessed to have this kind of father. I just wish he was still here because I have so much I would have loved to share with him.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The questions and the talking
We have two chatty chickadees in the house. We initially thought Lacey might be a little quieter than Lana, but now that she can talk, good grief, someone is always saying something, sometimes at the same time and sometimes they have "conversations" which involve them taking turns making some horrendous scream or other lovely noise.
Lana has always been a talker and she still is, but lately she has been asking really strange and thought-provoking questions, usually when we are driving. I try to jot them down in my phone (at stop lights) so I don't forget them and often I have no idea how to answer them (especially if its before I have had morning coffee). But I do my best to give an age-appropriate answer when I can. Here are a few of my favorite "burning questions":
Mom, do you ever feel like life is just one long dream?
Mom, how exactly do they build a car?
Mom, how does a zipper stick together?
Mom, what makes up air?
Mom, how do you see out of the black circle in your eye?
Mom, who was the first person to ever speak English?
Mom, can super hot water ever cause a fire?
Mom, how did God build our bodies?
Mom, I just don't know what in the world I am going to do for a job when I grow up!!!
As for Lacey, thankfully she is not asking me a bunch of questions I can't answer, but she is stringing words together to get her point across. She is saying a lot of words backwards, which I think is so cute and I will likely forget them over time, unless I write them down. Some words, nobody but me can understand, but then there are other words that come out clear as can be. Here are a few of my favorite Lacey-isms:
Faukee (coffee)
Ah kikis (hello kitty)
buck (cup)
VT (TV)
boppy (potty)
maymia (banana) (?)
boose (soup)
bose (soap)
money (yummy)
and my personal favorite sentence-- "Mama, where AHHH you?"
Sometimes my ears feel like they are going to fall off with the constant talking and noise, but then I am reminded by a facebook friend that there are many parents out there with kids who are nonverbal and it would be their wish to be able to communicate so frequently with their little ones. So its true, I am very blessed with my little chatty gals!
Lana has always been a talker and she still is, but lately she has been asking really strange and thought-provoking questions, usually when we are driving. I try to jot them down in my phone (at stop lights) so I don't forget them and often I have no idea how to answer them (especially if its before I have had morning coffee). But I do my best to give an age-appropriate answer when I can. Here are a few of my favorite "burning questions":
Mom, do you ever feel like life is just one long dream?
Mom, how exactly do they build a car?
Mom, how does a zipper stick together?
Mom, what makes up air?
Mom, how do you see out of the black circle in your eye?
Mom, who was the first person to ever speak English?
Mom, can super hot water ever cause a fire?
Mom, how did God build our bodies?
Mom, I just don't know what in the world I am going to do for a job when I grow up!!!
As for Lacey, thankfully she is not asking me a bunch of questions I can't answer, but she is stringing words together to get her point across. She is saying a lot of words backwards, which I think is so cute and I will likely forget them over time, unless I write them down. Some words, nobody but me can understand, but then there are other words that come out clear as can be. Here are a few of my favorite Lacey-isms:
Faukee (coffee)
Ah kikis (hello kitty)
buck (cup)
VT (TV)
boppy (potty)
maymia (banana) (?)
boose (soup)
bose (soap)
money (yummy)
and my personal favorite sentence-- "Mama, where AHHH you?"
Sometimes my ears feel like they are going to fall off with the constant talking and noise, but then I am reminded by a facebook friend that there are many parents out there with kids who are nonverbal and it would be their wish to be able to communicate so frequently with their little ones. So its true, I am very blessed with my little chatty gals!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Summer 2011
I get the award for laziest blogger on earth. Every day I think about a great blog post, but I just never find the time to get online. I have been *trying* to get on our elliptical twice a week and its nice to connect with the husband once in a while, as he has been working hard this summer. Lacey has been on a 5:15am awake for the day streak, which is not so fun and also it makes me so sleepy in the evenings, so again, no blogging. But whatever, here I am!!
This summer has been pretty fun so far, despite the horrendous weather we have been having. While the rest of the country bakes in a heat wave, we are freezing our arses off. Our weather has been downright fall-like. The mornings are gray, rainy and 55 ish and if we are lucky, the afternoons are gray, rainy and 65 ish. We get a tease of sunshine--one or two days, followed by another stretch of rain and chilly temps. The heat kicks on overnight, I use my seat heaters in the car and I have worn fleece. ITS JULY PEOPLES!!! This is just not right. Aside from this being really annoying and moderately depressing, it is so hard to keep the kids entertained--I mean, we have done all the indoor activities all damn winter--we want to get outside already! Starting tomorrow the weather peeps say sunshine--bring it on.
For some reason Lana did not want to do summer camps this year, so I didn't sign her up for any. She did a one week art class (one hour per day) last week and we will be doing her very first swim class starting next week, but that has left a lot of idle time, just hanging around the house. The first week at home was ugly. There was whining, misbehavior, boredom, even a tantrum of epic proportions that involved hyperventilating, breathing into a paper bag and tingly hands. Good grief! I thought, oh crapitty crap, its going to be a looonng summer. But shortly thereafter we got into a really good rhythm of playdates, playgrounds, the Children's Museum, the mall play area, special days (I get Tuesdays with Lacey only and Thursdays with Lana only), cooking together and family time on weekends. Its been good and busy and a lot of fun. I feel like a lot of really great things are happening: Lana is learning how to deal with free time, she is becoming more able to self-entertain. We have a lot of work to do in this arena, but she is getting better at it. Also, Lana and Lacey are bonding in real and meaningful ways. When Lana was in school, they didn't have much contact, but now Lana and Lacey spend huge chunks of time together, totally unstructured--but not unsupervised of course. Prior to summer vacation, Lana was kind of ambivalent toward Lacey. She was never aggressive or mean, but she never seemed to really care one way or another about having a sister. I can say my favorite part of summer vacation so far has been watching Lana and Lacey bond--they interact, laugh together and hug. Lacey is still a little young to take direction from Lana in terms of play, but once she hits that milestone, I anticipate things getting even better. Lana claps for Lacey when Lacey pees in the potty. Lana gets her the treat (and one for herself). They play peek-a-boo together. They jump on the bed together. They play 3 way catch (with me) with a foam football. They play in the wooden dollhouse and pretend to cook food, side-by-side. All of this is HUGE. And it absolutely warms my heart. Oh there are issues too. Lacey is obsessed with Little Einsteins and wants to watch it constantly, which annoys Lana (and me too) and Lana is always trying to get my attention if she perceives I am spending too much time with Lacey. I will say that I am really proud of the big sister Lana has become. She has really grown into the role.
We have done lots of fun stuff on our summer to do list, despite our crapola weather. We have hit all of our favorite parks, splash parks, the Animal Farm, Jetty Island (super awesome local beach you get to by ferry), Seattle Art Museum, the Aquarium, visiting grandma at work, painting pottery, indoor pools, picnics in the living room, popsicles, ice cream, gelato. Good stuff. Compared to last summer when Lacey still needed 2 naps, this summer we are free to have some fun outings without being too tethered to the house.
Lana has been so fun and funny. I love this age. LOVE IT! She asks me the most interesting and hard-to-answer questions. I have a running list, we call "Lana's Quagmires". Maybe I will post them someday. She is creative and innocent. She smiles and laughs more than ever. She is loyal and affectionate, promising that she will always live with us and always love us. Sometimes I just look at her, take in the moment and try to remember the feeling. How is it possible that there was a time when I thought I didn't want kids? I would have missed all of this great stuff.
Lacey is talking a ton. And dancing. She has started singing, which is so cute I might cry. She loves to pretend to drive, she hugs every stuffed animal, but especially Curious George and she shrieks and laughs at her big sister. She is very coordinated and loves to climb on things and she is working on learning to jump. I love that she loves books and water and running. She is a happy toddler, but she is showing signs that she is almost 2. Hopefully we will be spared from the worst of the terrible twos this time around. Here's hoping!
So that's what we have been up to. Hopefully I will get in a few more posts this summer. I have so much swirling around in my head. Until then, we will be trying to get outside to enjoy the rest of summertime!
This summer has been pretty fun so far, despite the horrendous weather we have been having. While the rest of the country bakes in a heat wave, we are freezing our arses off. Our weather has been downright fall-like. The mornings are gray, rainy and 55 ish and if we are lucky, the afternoons are gray, rainy and 65 ish. We get a tease of sunshine--one or two days, followed by another stretch of rain and chilly temps. The heat kicks on overnight, I use my seat heaters in the car and I have worn fleece. ITS JULY PEOPLES!!! This is just not right. Aside from this being really annoying and moderately depressing, it is so hard to keep the kids entertained--I mean, we have done all the indoor activities all damn winter--we want to get outside already! Starting tomorrow the weather peeps say sunshine--bring it on.
For some reason Lana did not want to do summer camps this year, so I didn't sign her up for any. She did a one week art class (one hour per day) last week and we will be doing her very first swim class starting next week, but that has left a lot of idle time, just hanging around the house. The first week at home was ugly. There was whining, misbehavior, boredom, even a tantrum of epic proportions that involved hyperventilating, breathing into a paper bag and tingly hands. Good grief! I thought, oh crapitty crap, its going to be a looonng summer. But shortly thereafter we got into a really good rhythm of playdates, playgrounds, the Children's Museum, the mall play area, special days (I get Tuesdays with Lacey only and Thursdays with Lana only), cooking together and family time on weekends. Its been good and busy and a lot of fun. I feel like a lot of really great things are happening: Lana is learning how to deal with free time, she is becoming more able to self-entertain. We have a lot of work to do in this arena, but she is getting better at it. Also, Lana and Lacey are bonding in real and meaningful ways. When Lana was in school, they didn't have much contact, but now Lana and Lacey spend huge chunks of time together, totally unstructured--but not unsupervised of course. Prior to summer vacation, Lana was kind of ambivalent toward Lacey. She was never aggressive or mean, but she never seemed to really care one way or another about having a sister. I can say my favorite part of summer vacation so far has been watching Lana and Lacey bond--they interact, laugh together and hug. Lacey is still a little young to take direction from Lana in terms of play, but once she hits that milestone, I anticipate things getting even better. Lana claps for Lacey when Lacey pees in the potty. Lana gets her the treat (and one for herself). They play peek-a-boo together. They jump on the bed together. They play 3 way catch (with me) with a foam football. They play in the wooden dollhouse and pretend to cook food, side-by-side. All of this is HUGE. And it absolutely warms my heart. Oh there are issues too. Lacey is obsessed with Little Einsteins and wants to watch it constantly, which annoys Lana (and me too) and Lana is always trying to get my attention if she perceives I am spending too much time with Lacey. I will say that I am really proud of the big sister Lana has become. She has really grown into the role.
We have done lots of fun stuff on our summer to do list, despite our crapola weather. We have hit all of our favorite parks, splash parks, the Animal Farm, Jetty Island (super awesome local beach you get to by ferry), Seattle Art Museum, the Aquarium, visiting grandma at work, painting pottery, indoor pools, picnics in the living room, popsicles, ice cream, gelato. Good stuff. Compared to last summer when Lacey still needed 2 naps, this summer we are free to have some fun outings without being too tethered to the house.
Lana has been so fun and funny. I love this age. LOVE IT! She asks me the most interesting and hard-to-answer questions. I have a running list, we call "Lana's Quagmires". Maybe I will post them someday. She is creative and innocent. She smiles and laughs more than ever. She is loyal and affectionate, promising that she will always live with us and always love us. Sometimes I just look at her, take in the moment and try to remember the feeling. How is it possible that there was a time when I thought I didn't want kids? I would have missed all of this great stuff.
Lacey is talking a ton. And dancing. She has started singing, which is so cute I might cry. She loves to pretend to drive, she hugs every stuffed animal, but especially Curious George and she shrieks and laughs at her big sister. She is very coordinated and loves to climb on things and she is working on learning to jump. I love that she loves books and water and running. She is a happy toddler, but she is showing signs that she is almost 2. Hopefully we will be spared from the worst of the terrible twos this time around. Here's hoping!
So that's what we have been up to. Hopefully I will get in a few more posts this summer. I have so much swirling around in my head. Until then, we will be trying to get outside to enjoy the rest of summertime!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
I'm still alive...
Sheesh, I haven't posted in forever. I guess I am just behind on life, as they say. Lots has happened since the beginning of June--preK graduation, Mondo Beyondo (!), a wonderful and overdue visit with my BFF, keeping busy (and sane) during summer vacay, the biggest and ugliest tantrum of all time and many random thoughts in between. I simply have no computer time now that Lana is home from school. But I am not complaining, we are having fun together (except for said tantrum) and staying busy with friends or just with one another. I hope to carve out some time to post and to comment on other blogs, but for now, we are just enjoying the sunshine, the parks and each other. Until next time..
Friday, June 10, 2011
The birthday party and baking emergency
Kids birthday parties overstimulate me. I don't really enjoy attending them or hosting them--there is too much noise, too much chaos, too much sugar and I am supposed to keep one eye on my kid to make sure she is behaving nicely all while having an adult conversation with another parent. I always feel like I need some quiet time and a glass of wine afterward. But, they are part of childhood and we attend most of those that Lana is invited to, mostly because although I am not super-social, I recognize that Lana is indeed a social being and that this is important to her.
When it is our turn to plan and host Lana's birthday party, I am both excited and dreading it. Excited that its Lana's special day, but dreading that overstimulated feeling. Is it just me? Each year I have hosted Lana's party on the outside, meaning not in my home. I would love to literally be outdoors, but May in the Pacific NW is typically rainy and coolish. This year we had Lana's party at one of those indoor gymnastics places. In the past, I have made a bunch of food and the cake in a semi-fancy way, but in an attempt to keep it simple, this year I ordered pizza and made the cupcakes.
The cupcakes. I make them b/c of me and Lacey having that pesky dairy allergy, so that rules out most store-bought options and dammit, I want to eat the leftovers! I try to make them look really cute and festive, although I am not a baker at ALL. I am also not artsy/craftsy. The theme of the party this year was Hello Kitty and I was so excited that I scored this stencil in the shape of Hello Kitty's head that I could shake powdered sugar or sprinkles over and then presto--Hello Kitty's image on the cupcake. Lana was so excited too--she wanted to help make the cupcakes and shake the sprinkles, but I told her I needed to do it this time. My big mistake? I did not test the stencil until 11pm the night before the party. Guess what? It didn't work at all. It didn't look like Hello Kitty's head--its just looked like a blob of sprinkles. Bill even got in on the action--we whipped out all of our sprinkles, food coloring, gel and literally tried all kinds of possibilities to make Hello Kitty on a cupcake. Luckily I made an extra batch of cupcakes b/c we tossed at least 10 cupcakes during our experiment. Finally, we concluded that there would be no Hello Kitty on the freakin cupcakes and she was going to have to be okay with pink frosting with sparkly sprinkles. The end.
Or not. When I told her the next morning (the day of the party), she dissolved into tears, "Mom, I am so disappointed! I wanted Hello Kitty and you PROMISED! I am not going to have a Hello Kitty party with just plain cupcakes. Boo hoo hoo." Okay, I know she sounds like a brat, but she is not a roll-with-the-punches kind of kid and yeah, we have the drama--I have accepted it and usually I can let it bounce off me like nothing, but this time, I felt bad, like I let her down. So I ordered her to stop crying, get dressed and we are going to the grocery right NOW (its 7am). I had no real plan, I was just going to buy some stuff in the baking isle and make a final attempt.
I came home, Bill took the girls upstairs to play and I pulled this right out of my ass...
Not bad, huh? I took a big marshmallow (they were a bit stale--I found them in the pantry), sliced the end off of it, formed it into an oval and pinched the ears with my fingers. I added the eyes and nose (they are those flat sprinkles) with frosting as the glue and pink gel as the bow. I tried to do the whiskers, but they looked weird. When Lana saw them, she was SO excited! She said, "Mom, if you take a picture of this and you put it on the internet, you are going to be famous!" Too funny.
The party itself was fine, crazy as expected, but I have wonderful friends who helped me get set up and cleaned up after. I wish I could just learn to chill and enjoy myself, but yeesh--the chaos, the noise...oh man.
Here is the birthday girl enjoying her party. She looks kinda pale and sleepy--turns out she was battling a virus, what we have affectionately (or not) termed, "the swollen gland disease". It turned out to be nothing except a really big swollen gland that resolved on its own, but thanks to the pediatrician, we were freaking out that it was something much scarier. Anyway, here she is...
When it is our turn to plan and host Lana's birthday party, I am both excited and dreading it. Excited that its Lana's special day, but dreading that overstimulated feeling. Is it just me? Each year I have hosted Lana's party on the outside, meaning not in my home. I would love to literally be outdoors, but May in the Pacific NW is typically rainy and coolish. This year we had Lana's party at one of those indoor gymnastics places. In the past, I have made a bunch of food and the cake in a semi-fancy way, but in an attempt to keep it simple, this year I ordered pizza and made the cupcakes.
The cupcakes. I make them b/c of me and Lacey having that pesky dairy allergy, so that rules out most store-bought options and dammit, I want to eat the leftovers! I try to make them look really cute and festive, although I am not a baker at ALL. I am also not artsy/craftsy. The theme of the party this year was Hello Kitty and I was so excited that I scored this stencil in the shape of Hello Kitty's head that I could shake powdered sugar or sprinkles over and then presto--Hello Kitty's image on the cupcake. Lana was so excited too--she wanted to help make the cupcakes and shake the sprinkles, but I told her I needed to do it this time. My big mistake? I did not test the stencil until 11pm the night before the party. Guess what? It didn't work at all. It didn't look like Hello Kitty's head--its just looked like a blob of sprinkles. Bill even got in on the action--we whipped out all of our sprinkles, food coloring, gel and literally tried all kinds of possibilities to make Hello Kitty on a cupcake. Luckily I made an extra batch of cupcakes b/c we tossed at least 10 cupcakes during our experiment. Finally, we concluded that there would be no Hello Kitty on the freakin cupcakes and she was going to have to be okay with pink frosting with sparkly sprinkles. The end.
Or not. When I told her the next morning (the day of the party), she dissolved into tears, "Mom, I am so disappointed! I wanted Hello Kitty and you PROMISED! I am not going to have a Hello Kitty party with just plain cupcakes. Boo hoo hoo." Okay, I know she sounds like a brat, but she is not a roll-with-the-punches kind of kid and yeah, we have the drama--I have accepted it and usually I can let it bounce off me like nothing, but this time, I felt bad, like I let her down. So I ordered her to stop crying, get dressed and we are going to the grocery right NOW (its 7am). I had no real plan, I was just going to buy some stuff in the baking isle and make a final attempt.
I came home, Bill took the girls upstairs to play and I pulled this right out of my ass...
Not bad, huh? I took a big marshmallow (they were a bit stale--I found them in the pantry), sliced the end off of it, formed it into an oval and pinched the ears with my fingers. I added the eyes and nose (they are those flat sprinkles) with frosting as the glue and pink gel as the bow. I tried to do the whiskers, but they looked weird. When Lana saw them, she was SO excited! She said, "Mom, if you take a picture of this and you put it on the internet, you are going to be famous!" Too funny.
The party itself was fine, crazy as expected, but I have wonderful friends who helped me get set up and cleaned up after. I wish I could just learn to chill and enjoy myself, but yeesh--the chaos, the noise...oh man.
Here is the birthday girl enjoying her party. She looks kinda pale and sleepy--turns out she was battling a virus, what we have affectionately (or not) termed, "the swollen gland disease". It turned out to be nothing except a really big swollen gland that resolved on its own, but thanks to the pediatrician, we were freaking out that it was something much scarier. Anyway, here she is...
Monday, June 6, 2011
Her major award
Lana's school has an end of the year BBQ at a local park. Its a potluck kind of thing and the kids have a huge playground for burning energy. Each year the school raffles off the ginormous baskets of goodies. Each class donates items around a theme, so there was an art basket, an outdoor fun basket, a family game night basket, etc. The parents are pretty generous, so you can imagine that these baskets are pretty amazing. The teachers spend all week explaining the concept of a raffle--that there are only 6 baskets and 60 families--so you might be disappointed if you don't win, etc. Last year, there were many tears after the raffle (Lana was one of them), so this year we talked a lot about it and that we would buy some tickets, but we probably won't win.
So there we are, at the BBQ and they get to the much-coveted art basket and they call Lana's name! She just sat there--like a statue. They repeat her name, looking around for her. She sat, still as a statue. Finally, I called for Lana to stand up already! She did and accepted her HUGE basket of art supplies, which was bigger than she was--she could barely walk with it and to say she was excited is a gross understatement.
The whole ride home, she said--"I can't believe I won the art basket. I can't believe I won the art basket." Over and over again, like 100 times. When we got home, she tore into it, like its Christmas morning (which is why I have no photo) and I had to rip her away from the crafting to go to bed.
The next day, she says, "Mom, what if Miss Y read the wrong name on the ticket and I didn't really win the art basket after all. What if its all a big mistake and the name on the ticket was a different name that begins with L." After a giggle and some reassurance, she went right back to work, creating and drawing and making a holy hell of a mess of glitter.
I thought it was so funny that Lana acted like she won an academy award and that it was so amazing that she felt like she didn't even deserve it, like the honor should have gone to someone else. Its also funny that something like winning a raffle is like a MAJOR thing when you are 5. I mean, we all buy raffle tickets and then don't even give it a second thought because really its nearly impossible to win and if you do, its just dumb luck. For her, this was something she will remember for a very long time. I love the innocence of childhood.
So there we are, at the BBQ and they get to the much-coveted art basket and they call Lana's name! She just sat there--like a statue. They repeat her name, looking around for her. She sat, still as a statue. Finally, I called for Lana to stand up already! She did and accepted her HUGE basket of art supplies, which was bigger than she was--she could barely walk with it and to say she was excited is a gross understatement.
The whole ride home, she said--"I can't believe I won the art basket. I can't believe I won the art basket." Over and over again, like 100 times. When we got home, she tore into it, like its Christmas morning (which is why I have no photo) and I had to rip her away from the crafting to go to bed.
The next day, she says, "Mom, what if Miss Y read the wrong name on the ticket and I didn't really win the art basket after all. What if its all a big mistake and the name on the ticket was a different name that begins with L." After a giggle and some reassurance, she went right back to work, creating and drawing and making a holy hell of a mess of glitter.
I thought it was so funny that Lana acted like she won an academy award and that it was so amazing that she felt like she didn't even deserve it, like the honor should have gone to someone else. Its also funny that something like winning a raffle is like a MAJOR thing when you are 5. I mean, we all buy raffle tickets and then don't even give it a second thought because really its nearly impossible to win and if you do, its just dumb luck. For her, this was something she will remember for a very long time. I love the innocence of childhood.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Lana, you are five!?!
Dear Lana,
Today you are five years old. How? It seems like yesterday you were just a tiny baby with lots of black hair, screaming and crying all day long. Now, my sweet, you are a big kid, a mini-adult sometimes, you are funny, creative, so smart and my little friend.
You are so much like Baba in so many ways. You look like him, you act like him, you have a very special bond with your Baba. You love to watch basketball together and you remember all of the team abbreviations and uniform colors. You also watch wrestling together, all while I am rolling my eyes right out of my head. You love to work in the garden with Baba and kick a ball (you are a great kicker). I love to watch the two of you together and I love how you both love each other so much.
This year has been such a fun year to watch you grow. You love school and your teacher. You love to get your work on the best work wall. You have an amazing vocabulary and you never forget anything--sometimes its scary what's going on in that head of yours. You have learned to write beautifully and I love it when you write me notes, with little drawings of you and me together. I wish I could save every single one along with all of your artwork, but I don't think the house is big enough for all that you create. I do save my very favorites, but I treasure each one in my heart. Your artwork is simply amazing and I have loved watching your drawings become more detailed and complex over this past year. You have also started reading a bit, but like most things, you demand perfection from yourself and if you struggle, you tend to give up. I know your confidence will grow and you will be reading and riding that bike when you decide you will succeed.
One of my favorite things about you, Lana, is your heart--you are so kind and thoughtful. You are never mean, not even to Lacey, not even when she is annoying you. You are nice to adults, to friends, to your family. You want to send people cards and notes and art just because or when they are sick or sad. You love to talk to people--in elevators, in Target, anywhere really. You always ask the cashier his/her name, you know all of the employees at the grocery store by name and you always stop to say hi--Sue in flowers, Mark in meat, Jenny at the pharmacy, Mel, Julie, Yvonne at checkout. I am so impressed with how outgoing you are--you don't get that from me!
You have lots of toys and games, but really you don't play with them all that much. You always want someone to play pretend with you--elaborate games of pretend. I love listening to your creative mind as you bounce all over the room telling me about the party we are planning, your friend who is visiting from India or how very sick Hello Kitty is and how she needs surgery.
This year you have become more affectionate, which I love. I will take any and all hugs and kisses you are willing to give. You love to hold hands and even though you are getting a little bit big to carry, I will oblige while I can. I love our special days together when its just you and I--doing big girl things, having ladies lunch and cooking together. I also love how you are starting to include Lacey in your playtime. I know this takes a lot of patience. I hope you know how much you are loved and treasured in our family. Happy Birthday my sweet Lana Ru!
Love, Mama and Baba
Today you are five years old. How? It seems like yesterday you were just a tiny baby with lots of black hair, screaming and crying all day long. Now, my sweet, you are a big kid, a mini-adult sometimes, you are funny, creative, so smart and my little friend.
You are so much like Baba in so many ways. You look like him, you act like him, you have a very special bond with your Baba. You love to watch basketball together and you remember all of the team abbreviations and uniform colors. You also watch wrestling together, all while I am rolling my eyes right out of my head. You love to work in the garden with Baba and kick a ball (you are a great kicker). I love to watch the two of you together and I love how you both love each other so much.
This year has been such a fun year to watch you grow. You love school and your teacher. You love to get your work on the best work wall. You have an amazing vocabulary and you never forget anything--sometimes its scary what's going on in that head of yours. You have learned to write beautifully and I love it when you write me notes, with little drawings of you and me together. I wish I could save every single one along with all of your artwork, but I don't think the house is big enough for all that you create. I do save my very favorites, but I treasure each one in my heart. Your artwork is simply amazing and I have loved watching your drawings become more detailed and complex over this past year. You have also started reading a bit, but like most things, you demand perfection from yourself and if you struggle, you tend to give up. I know your confidence will grow and you will be reading and riding that bike when you decide you will succeed.
One of my favorite things about you, Lana, is your heart--you are so kind and thoughtful. You are never mean, not even to Lacey, not even when she is annoying you. You are nice to adults, to friends, to your family. You want to send people cards and notes and art just because or when they are sick or sad. You love to talk to people--in elevators, in Target, anywhere really. You always ask the cashier his/her name, you know all of the employees at the grocery store by name and you always stop to say hi--Sue in flowers, Mark in meat, Jenny at the pharmacy, Mel, Julie, Yvonne at checkout. I am so impressed with how outgoing you are--you don't get that from me!
You have lots of toys and games, but really you don't play with them all that much. You always want someone to play pretend with you--elaborate games of pretend. I love listening to your creative mind as you bounce all over the room telling me about the party we are planning, your friend who is visiting from India or how very sick Hello Kitty is and how she needs surgery.
This year you have become more affectionate, which I love. I will take any and all hugs and kisses you are willing to give. You love to hold hands and even though you are getting a little bit big to carry, I will oblige while I can. I love our special days together when its just you and I--doing big girl things, having ladies lunch and cooking together. I also love how you are starting to include Lacey in your playtime. I know this takes a lot of patience. I hope you know how much you are loved and treasured in our family. Happy Birthday my sweet Lana Ru!
Love, Mama and Baba
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
