Sunday, January 10, 2010

Out of sync

My easy baby has been having some troubles lately. Its been frustrating for us all. When she was first born, I thought we might have a good sleeper! Then about a month ago, she got a cold and all went to hell in a handbasket. She started waking up every 2h all night, every night--sometimes even every hour! Every hour makes me want to jump out the window. We thought it was reflux--she started on zantac, then prevacid and it kind of helped on some days, but overall, her sleep was still messed up--she would often wake up every 2h, sometimes every hour. Then we thought it was my supply--even during the day she would nurse every hour! So I ramped up my suppy with fenugreek and water and nope, it made no difference. I know other babies this age can go 3h between feedings--WTH is going on with mine? Then all of a sudden she started fussing at the breast--pulling on and off, yanking my nipple, crying, kicking. OUCH. Is it a GI thing? Reflux again? What is going on? I took her to the ped and she said she is probably eating out of habit and for soothing since she doesn't take a paci. She also noted that her cradle cap was BAD, and not getting better, so she sent me to the pediatric dermatologist. I am so glad we went. She said Lacey's cradle cap was not typical--she had a staph infection on top of it, plus eczema on the scalp, face, arms and legs. She told me eczema is super itchy, especially at night and can definitely cause night waking. She gave us several ointments which are so gooey to rub her down with--an antibiotic ointment for the infection, plus 2 different hydrocortizone ointments. I felt kind of relieved thinking, "okay, there is a reason for the night waking--she is uncomfortable! Maybe she never even had reflux in the first place!" Maybe she was just eating mini meals at the breast b/c she was trying to soothe herself from the itch, which would lead to all that nursing.

So we started treating her, but she is still fussing at the breast. So I pumped and bottle fed. She is not good with the bottle, but I have no choice, I will not let her destroy my nips. She drinks the bottle with minimal fussing. She will not breastfeed peacefully unless she is super tired or its in the middle of the night. I am sad. So sad. Here I am pumping and bottle feeding again, just like with Lana. I hate it. This is my routine for feeding her the past couple of days: I offer the breast. When she starts hurting me, I take her off, give her a bottle of breastmilk, then I pump for the next time and do the dishes. It is so time-consuming! I am not sure if its just a phase or if she just doesn't have the patience for letdown or if its the itch bugging her or what. I am going to see a lactation consultant b/c I don't know what to do. I know I don't want to quit breastfeeding if I think she will come back. I also know I cannot pump for a year like I did with Lana. I would rather just switch to formula if she will not breastfeed. I don't mind pumping once or twice a day, but not six times a day. I just don't have that kind of time and endurance. I am fine with formula, but I can't help but feel a loss if breastfeeding doesn't work out. It was my dream to do it this time and I felt such elation when it was so easy for us both the first 3 months.

It has been extra tough b/c I have been spending so much time focused on Lacey's sleeping/eating/reflux/eczema issues that I feel like I am neglecting Lana. Or maybe I just miss her a little b/c I feel like I don't see her much now that she is in school 4 days a week.

I know I am sounding all whiny and melodramatic, but I can't help it. We are not in a good pattern and routine right now and I so wish we were. I know we will get there and I am trying to tell myself that we should tackle one thing at a time. First let's get rid of this rash, then we work on the feeding issues and decide what the best path will be so that mommy and baby are happy. Hopefully the sleep will come after that.

9 comments:

LauraC said...

I think it is hard to feel like things are going well when you have so many balls in the air! Sounds like so much is going on!

Beth said...

Hugs Julie! I think it's good to try to tackle one thing at a time. But I'm sure the feeding thing is weighing heavily, especially because it went so well for so long. It sounds like something is definitely off, so hopefully, the LC will help. Just hang in there, and don't get down on yourself. I wish I could something that would really help, but I can only offer empathy and hugs and a tissue. Well, I can't even offer a tissue, but I would if I was with you. Deep breaths and baby steps.

HT said...

Hang in there! I'm hoping things will get better soon, for you and your family.

Melanie said...

Don't worry - it'll get better! I bet she returns to breastfeeding when the rash goes away. At least now you know why she's been using you as a pacifier. Being a mom is the hardest job - if it's not one thing it's another! Hang in there :)

Donna said...

Both my boys have skin issues - itchy dry, the big E. I would say though it was never the issue as far as bfing was concerned. My advice - go back to the ped and have her treated for Thrush and you get treated for it too. You may have a case with little to no symptoms, but it could be there. It couldn't hurt to see if that is the case. BTW - is she teething?

Megan said...

Hey Julie. This stuff stinks. It is hard anyway. Then you throw in over exhaustion, guilt, frustration and pain and well...it is enough to put you over the edge. Sounds like you are doing it all right- seeking advice, seeking support, dealing with the itchy skin, etc. One by one these issues will clear up. It is just hard when they all crash down at once! Hugs to you! Wish I could come and play with Lana. Seren and Lana could just talk themselves silly! Hang in there- I'll be thinking of you!

Maria said...

Sorry you are dealing with this. I have a friend who has a five month old who started doing this about a month ago and she was so frustrated! She saw an LC who said her milk was so rich and thick thatit was having trouble passing through the nipple. She got a supplement (I willask her what it is) and it cleared her problem right up. I hope things straighten out soon.

Joanna said...

Breast feeding is so wonderful when all goes well, and yet so distressing when it doesn't. Add not sleeping into the mix and no wonder you aren't feeling great.

I wonder if there is any connection between the feeding issues and the skin issues. Maybe she's dealing with a sensitivity to something you are eating?

Elissa said...

Julie, now that you are breastfeeding with Lacey, have you checked out Kellymom.com? There is a WEALTH of information throughout the site and there is a message board, which I visit several times daily. The site is geared to breastfeeding mothers and I don't think i would have gotten to 1 year of nursing without it! Check out the message boards and see if anyone has advice for you. Sorry you aren't getting good sleep. If it's any consolation, Tyler still doesn't really sleep through the night :(