Out of sync

My easy baby has been having some troubles lately. Its been frustrating for us all. When she was first born, I thought we might have a good sleeper! Then about a month ago, she got a cold and all went to hell in a handbasket. She started waking up every 2h all night, every night--sometimes even every hour! Every hour makes me want to jump out the window. We thought it was reflux--she started on zantac, then prevacid and it kind of helped on some days, but overall, her sleep was still messed up--she would often wake up every 2h, sometimes every hour. Then we thought it was my supply--even during the day she would nurse every hour! So I ramped up my suppy with fenugreek and water and nope, it made no difference. I know other babies this age can go 3h between feedings--WTH is going on with mine? Then all of a sudden she started fussing at the breast--pulling on and off, yanking my nipple, crying, kicking. OUCH. Is it a GI thing? Reflux again? What is going on? I took her to the ped and she said she is probably eating out of habit and for soothing since she doesn't take a paci. She also noted that her cradle cap was BAD, and not getting better, so she sent me to the pediatric dermatologist. I am so glad we went. She said Lacey's cradle cap was not typical--she had a staph infection on top of it, plus eczema on the scalp, face, arms and legs. She told me eczema is super itchy, especially at night and can definitely cause night waking. She gave us several ointments which are so gooey to rub her down with--an antibiotic ointment for the infection, plus 2 different hydrocortizone ointments. I felt kind of relieved thinking, "okay, there is a reason for the night waking--she is uncomfortable! Maybe she never even had reflux in the first place!" Maybe she was just eating mini meals at the breast b/c she was trying to soothe herself from the itch, which would lead to all that nursing.

So we started treating her, but she is still fussing at the breast. So I pumped and bottle fed. She is not good with the bottle, but I have no choice, I will not let her destroy my nips. She drinks the bottle with minimal fussing. She will not breastfeed peacefully unless she is super tired or its in the middle of the night. I am sad. So sad. Here I am pumping and bottle feeding again, just like with Lana. I hate it. This is my routine for feeding her the past couple of days: I offer the breast. When she starts hurting me, I take her off, give her a bottle of breastmilk, then I pump for the next time and do the dishes. It is so time-consuming! I am not sure if its just a phase or if she just doesn't have the patience for letdown or if its the itch bugging her or what. I am going to see a lactation consultant b/c I don't know what to do. I know I don't want to quit breastfeeding if I think she will come back. I also know I cannot pump for a year like I did with Lana. I would rather just switch to formula if she will not breastfeed. I don't mind pumping once or twice a day, but not six times a day. I just don't have that kind of time and endurance. I am fine with formula, but I can't help but feel a loss if breastfeeding doesn't work out. It was my dream to do it this time and I felt such elation when it was so easy for us both the first 3 months.

It has been extra tough b/c I have been spending so much time focused on Lacey's sleeping/eating/reflux/eczema issues that I feel like I am neglecting Lana. Or maybe I just miss her a little b/c I feel like I don't see her much now that she is in school 4 days a week.

I know I am sounding all whiny and melodramatic, but I can't help it. We are not in a good pattern and routine right now and I so wish we were. I know we will get there and I am trying to tell myself that we should tackle one thing at a time. First let's get rid of this rash, then we work on the feeding issues and decide what the best path will be so that mommy and baby are happy. Hopefully the sleep will come after that.