Yesterday was a rare sunny day, so the girls and I spent some time out on the front lawn, just enjoying the blue sky and playing in the dirt and grass. I swear it has been raining for a month straight, with one sunny day every 2 weeks or so. Plus, its so chilly--we have been in the low 60s on a good day, but this morning when I was going to the grocery store it was only 48! In June! I keep reminding myself that summer here is July-September and it will get nice, but June just is one big disappointment. Anyway, a neighbor was walking by with her friend and stopped to chat. My neighbor's friend has a daughter who is a senior in high school and is interested in science, biomedical research specifically, and my neighbor told her that I used to work in science, so she asked me for my opinion and any advice. First off, I think that mentoring is super important and if it weren't for the advice and support I received over the years, I never would have pursued my career to the extent that I did. So my first thought was 1) choose your words wisely 2) be honest and 3) don't sound too crabby. But, oh this is such a loaded question for me--how did you like being a scientist? Well, obviously, I am not one now, so you do the math. It did get me thinking about my path, as a scientist and now as a mother.
I always loved science. My crappy high school never had a science fair or anything like that, but I enjoyed science classes far more than any other subject. I majored in biology in college, thinking I would try to get into medical school, but I felt pretty intimidated and I have this whole fear of blood and vomit, plus I might need to like touch people, weird people in weird places--so medical school was out. I got a summer job at a cancer institute in my hometown in a research lab. I started off doing silly things like washing glassware and disposing of radioactive liquids, but I met and worked with a grad student (incidentally the author of Outnumbered Gal) and she taught me the basics of working in a lab. I loved it and she was a very patient teacher. I continued working in a lab back at college by getting an internship in the medical school and conducting my own project studying mechanisms of schizophrenia in rats. I had a great mentor, who really encouraged me to pursue a career in research. She was successful, yet happy and even seemed to have balance in her life. It looked like a good choice, plus I loved the work, even though I didn't really know what I was doing. I was so energized and excited (and naive) about it because the thought of doing world-class research with super smart people and making discoveries and contributions was just super cool, plus my whole career was in front of me. I really couldn't imagine doing anything else. So while all my biology classmates applied to medical school, I applied to graduate school and was accepted at nearly every program I applied to. I selected Northwestern and moved to Chicago.
I could write a book about my life in Chicago. It was one of those critical times in my life where good stuff happened and bad stuff happened, but overall it was the time where I gained true independence and grew into adulthood. As I began grad school and did rotations through different labs, I noticed that every single postdoctoral researcher I met was miserable. They may have liked science well enough, but they did not dig their job and they were quite cynical about the next step, i.e. moving on from being a scientist-in-training and becoming either a professor or a scientist in biotech/pharma. After they got their PhD, they worked as a postdoc for 2-5 years, for very little money and wow, they worked hard. Nights and weekends, long hours during the week. Many of these postdocs would even do 2 postdocs before moving on to the next step--yes, that is 10 years of post-graduate training. At the time, I was so confused b/c I was still so energized and excited about my career and I vowed to always be optimistic and to not become so jaded. After all, I chose this path.
I had a wonderfully supportive mentor and boss through graduate school. She was/is very successful who entered this field at a time when there were very very few women in science. The other thing about her is that she is a nice person and has other interests and hobbies, she is compassionate and funny. It was a pleasure to work for her. I learned so much from her. She is so important to me, both professionally and personally that she did a reading at our wedding. Anyway, my project was good. I made progress, published a bunch and graduated within 5 years. All in all, it was a good experience. It was also stressful. I always felt just a bit incompetant and inadequate, in over my head and the public speaking of giving seminars took years off my life--the anxiety I felt! I developed migraines, acid reflux, insomnia. Ugh, is any career worth that?
But, I had so much fun living in Chicago. I was in my early 20s and I had great girlfriends. I was in a long-term relationship that was not moving toward marriage, so I felt pretty carefree. I literally never thought about getting married and having a family and how I would fit all of it in with my career. If I had to come back to lab at 9pm for an experiment, it was no big deal--I lived close by and I had no other responsibilities. Looking back, I really did not think I would ever have children. Until my relationship ended and I met Bill. We fell in love quickly and it was intense. I suddenly knew we would get married and have kids. It was a wonder I got anything done at work during this time b/c I was so distracted! But just as quickly as our relationship began, Bill had to move to San Diego 6 months later to start his residency and I was left behind to finish up my PhD. I had about 2 years left, give or take.
After I graduated, I moved onto my postdoc in San Diego, Bill and I got married and we enjoyed our life in southern California. My postdoc was weird. I was finally in the same position as all the miserable people I met in grad school. I can't say I was miserable, but I did not have the same energy and optimism that I used to have. I still felt a bit inadequate, but I enjoyed the people I worked with (mostly). I was getting tired though. Tired of doing experiments that didn't work. Tired of writing all these grants for my boss. Tired of pretending my project was SO important, when really it was kind of boring, even to me. Speaking of my boss, she was as weird and inappropriate as they come--a huge contrast to all the mentors I had the pleasure of working with earlier in my career. But, I stayed 4 years, published a bunch and on paper, everything looked like I was moderately successful.
But the thing is, moderately successful doesn't really get you very far in science. To become a professor, you need to be uber successful and super dedicated in ways I will never be. There are very few positions available and a lot of postdocs who want those positions. Even getting a job in biotech/pharma isn't as easy as it used to be. You have to be willing to move anywhere to get the job and many if not most of these positions are not 9-5 types of jobs. I wasn't willing to move far away at that point. Bill and I had already been separated and by the time I was winding up my postdoc, I was pregnant with Lana. We were moving to Alexandria, VA for Bill's one year fellowship, so I thought I would stay home that year and then we will see if I want to go back to my career, depending on where we end up. I never went back and I don't really want to.
The biggest reason I am a stay at home mom is that I really enjoy being centered. I am never stressed out like I used to be. I have never had one night of insomnia since I stopped working. I don't feel torn between the kids and my job. I can't say every day is super fun, especially when the kids are sour and/or fussy, but overall, I try to enjoy them, have some fun, smile and laugh and make a decent dinner. My house is a mess, every closet unorganized, dirty dishes in the sink, but I don't care, I really don't. I'd rather play with the girls b/c that is why I am not working. I love sitting on the beach (if the damn sun would ever come out) on a Wednesday afternoon with Lana and I making a sandcastle. This is exactly why I am not working. If I was still a scientist, I would be bringing work home, doing literature searches instead of keeping this blog, writing papers and putting together presentations--all in the evenings. I would be feeling judged by my coworkers and boss for cutting out of work at 6pm so I could pick up the kids. Sadly, this persists in many environments in science, b/c working long hours is a badge of honor. I definitely don't miss the disappointments of experiments not working, grants not being funded and the constant criticisms/expectations. I definitely do miss getting a paycheck and the socializing with my coworkers. I suppose I also miss the intellectual aspect of my job, but frankly, I can read about new discoveries and understand research articles if I feel like it. But staying home is a good choice for our family b/c its good for me emotionally and health-wise and Bill's hours can be very long, so I am happy to provide the consistent schedule. I can't imagine us both having long hours--the kids would never see us.
So what did I say to this woman, whose daughter is interested in a career in science? I told her to come and talk to me if she wants to. I told her it was great when I was young, but its not very family-friendly and its hard to achieve balance. I hate to discourage and I really don't want to--I love to hear that young women are into science and math, but I also felt like honesty is important. I really feel like if its your dream, you gotta do it. I don't want to sound like those jaded post-docs. I really appreciate all of the mentoring support I received along the way and it was my dream and I did it. I just don't want to continue doing it b/c I feel like it will negatively impact our family life. I wish there was part-time or job sharing, but I have yet to hear of anything like that happening in this field. Ah, I just feel like I dished out some crappy advice to a young woman with her whole career ahead of her. I do hope she comes and talks to me, b/c its not a question I can answer in 2 sentences (obviously, this is quite the long post).
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7 comments:
Julie - I loved reading this post! Very interesting. I have one girlfriend who is a PhD medical microbiologist. She was in a lab for a while, but now she works from home as a medical writer so she can take care of her little ones.
I had those same exact thoughts, and that's why I got out of science, too. Well, I'm marginally still "in science," but I have an admin job that allows me to keep a 40-45 hour work week, and while there is pressure to get things done, it is not constant.
I don't regret my choice, but sometimes I do get a bit jealous - I'll never be that super-successful, recognized person who is an expert in her field. I have ALWAYS wanted to have a family, though, and I'm so grateful that my current job lets me do that will (relatively) little guilt.
I think it's good you were honest, I wouldn't worry that you gave bad advice :-).
Do you read scienceblogs.com? Some of the women blog about how difficult it is to be a woman, mom or not, in science. I knew it was bad, but I never realized just how difficult it is. It makes me a little less sad that I gave up on my biologist dream.
What is really surprising is how much better things are for women in engineering. I would have thought that the often liberal scientists in academia would be more "enlightened" than the often conservative engineers in industry, but clearly that is not the case. Obviously, women are not yet equal in my business, but it's not bad, and it's changing FAST. That is certainly something that you could mention to your friend's daughter. (And the money is good too.)
My neighbor works for Pharma as a phd. You are right, it's a very narrow industry. He just squeaked through a round of layoffs that eliminated 2/3 of the staff. If he had been laid off, he would either have to move across the country, or become a professor. Neither of which seems all that attractive to someone with young children.
As far as putting your education to good use, as your kids get older, have you considered working at a museum or other venue where you get to share your love of knowledge with other people, and children? Even if pursuing a career in science wasn't right for you, encouraging that in others might be.
Seriously Julie I could go on and on about this subject...before I decided to go to vet school I seriously considered getting a PhD in Anthropology and really thght I would be the next Jane Goodall LOL. That is until I actually spent some time doing fieldwork and realized it wasn't for me. I also keep thinking about going back to further my veterinary studies and specialize in something like oncology and pursue the PhD -- but I just don't have the interest in research/academia. I really like clinical practice and the stability, although there is kind of a glass ceiling on how far I can take this career without even more schooling. (I'll never forget once in vet school--which is 4 yr medical school after undergrad--a prof saying that to really make money as a vet you need an advanced degree and we were all like, "Isn't THIS an advanced degree??" and she pretty much laughed at us.)
I can totally relate to your post. I have two degrees in music and I'm not using them. Well, I like to think I'm sort of using them -- I can sing a great variation of "twinkle twinkle little star"!
I strongly encouraged my brother to choose a different career path, but he didn't and is now playing french horn in Beijing. Go figure!
I think your advice was great. I wish I'd had someone give me the straight scoop!
I think one of the biggest challenges is to find something outside the box as a career path in science. When I was that grad student (loved mentoring you, by the way), I thought there were only two paths - biotech or academia. I really wish someone had come along and explained to me that getting a PhD did not mean you had this limited choice. It took me 5 years of being a grumpy post-doc and 2 years in biotech to realize there were other choices. As A. said, the job where we work is quite family friendly with a bit of pressure through in just to keep you on your toes. You do have to know a bit of science and keep up a bit, but not like being a bench scientist.
Truly, I think there are days I love being at work, doing my job, socializing with my colleagues, but there are other times I wish I had the patience to be a stay at home mom. For us, though, I am not stay at home mom material and we just could not swing it with the renovation central house we own (plus all the dogs, cats, etc). So, I am happy to say there are other choices out there - and if you do talk to this girl, tell her there are ways to find a balance, she just has to find them.
I am way late to this conversation, but I have been thinking about it for a while. When someone asks for advice, they want your perspective, so there is no "good" or "bad" advice. No one should ever enter into a career path or life path thinking that things won't or can't change. The more info she has about the paths that people like you and your mentor have taken, the better off she is. If the career is important enough to her, then she can always make different choices. Hindsight is always 20-20. Would you change your path if you could? Do a different career? You know, it's not too late to find a career that suits your lifestyle better. In four short years, both girls will be in school, so don't be afraid to start over!
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