Goodbye dear Grandpa Jim

Three weeks ago my beloved Grandpa Jim passed away. He was my maternal grandfather and since I grew up with my grandparents living 5 minutes away, I knew him well and I loved him very much. My grandpa's given name was Nazzareno, but he had many nicknames: Naz, Nick, Nicky, Jim, Jimmy, even Jr. He was always Grandpa Jim to me. Grandpa Jim and Grandma Rita have been married 61 years (!) and raised 3 kids together, my mom and her 2 brothers.

Grandpa Jim was sick, he was exposed to asbestos on the job years ago, which scarred his lungs and he has been deteriorating slowly for years. He required oxygen tanks 24/7 just to breathe and his mobility became less and less because of his decreased lung capacity. It was a slow decline filled with anxiety about each breath and all the while his mind was intact, which was both a blessing and a curse. This last year he suffered greatly and my poor grandmother was his dedicated caretaker, which of course is not an easy job, physically or emotionally, especially for a woman in her mid-80s.

Grandpa Jim lived a full life. He built his own house in the 1950s. He drew the plans and built the house. He did this on the weekends or after work during the week. Remember, there was no Home Depot or Lowes back then, can you imagine? He worked hard, he enjoyed his family and he was always smiling. He had a lot to be proud of, but he was incredibly humble. One thing that you hear time and time again from people who knew my grandfather is that he never and I mean NEVER said a negative comment about anyone, even if they deserved it.

My grandparents visited us here in the NW twice since we moved here. Once when Lana was 2 years old and once last year, when I was just weeks away from delivering Lacey and a few days after my dad passed away. Each time they visited, they got to see a new part of the country and spend some fun time with Lana. I could see it in my grandparents' faces what a blessing it is to live to see your great-grandchildren. I only wish my grandfather could have met Lacey too. Here are some of my favorite photos of this time:













Two weeks ago, my mom and I flew to Florida for my grandfather's funeral. I left the girls at home with my in-laws and Bill so that I could be there undistracted. My grandmother seemed to be holding up remarkably well, although she could not get past those last few days of his life and his final moments. The funeral itself was small, intimate and our entire small family was there to lay him to rest. It was sad, but beautiful too. At the dinner afterward, everyone took turns sharing their favorite memory of Grandpa Jim. Every family member took a turn. I couldn't do it. I regret not being able to share at the time, but emotionally the entire funeral was hard for me. I have lost two great men from my life in 14 months and it hurts. Anyway, since I couldn't share my memory at the time, here goes: The last time Grandpa Jim was visiting, he was playing with Lana, smiling and he looked to me and said, "The best years of my life was when my kids were little." That one sentence made such an impression on me. I think about it often, when life is so busy or the kids are driving me bonkers, I try to remember that these are the best years. Take a deep breath, enjoy these moments--look at their little faces, these are the best years. Thank you Grandpa Jim for this. It means so much to me. Rest in peace, breathe easier and say hi to my daddy.

Picky picky

First a vent: I have no time to blog. No time to reply to emails. Too busy. I don't like being quite this busy.

Okay, now that I have gotten that vent out of my system, I am planning a super frustrated whiny post. But I do so with the hope that my bloggyfriends will shed some of their infinite wisdom b/c I know I am not the only one.

Lacey's eating habits are making me crazy. Not only is she a picky eater, but she doesn't really drink that much either. She has been pulling the fake-out where I will give her a new food and she will eat it up like its the best thing ever. No sooner do I breathe a sigh of relief that she is actually eating something, that she will then reject said food and scream in her chair, pushing the tray away like I am feeding her poison. I know this is well-covered territory for moms of toddlers, but Lana was and is a great eater, so I haven't been paying attention to the discussion. I have however said to myself, "Self, you are lucky that Lana is such a great eater b/c if she wasn't, it would drive YOU crazy." Well, it is.

This is an exhaustive list of what Lacey will eat (most, but not all times offered):
cheerios or puffs
bread
pasta--plain, no sauce, no butter
fruit
tofu
chinese rice porridge

Here is a list of SOMETIMES food:
sweet potatoes
carrot
peas
white, oily fish, like sea bass or cod

Everything else is a NEVER food. You will notice that there is no meat and no dairy. She dislikes meat, even pureed or hidden in other food and she is allergic to dairy. Beans are also a no-go.

I am really struggling to put food in front of her 3 times a day only for her to push it out of her mouth or throw it on the floor. We thought, okay, maybe she is just not hungry, her caloric needs not high right now. But if she rejects a whole meal of even food she normally eats and then we bring out some fruit, she will eat like she is starving to death. I know people say, she will eat when she is hungry and if she doesn't eat dinner, she will eat breakfast. Okay, but what about the night waking when she didn't eat dinner--she is probably hungry, so I have been obliging her with the boob. Sigh. Her poor eating habits are one of the reasons I am still breastfeeding b/c I am hoping she is getting from me a little protein and calcium to supplement her diet of simple carbs and fruit.

So I spoke to my pediatrician about it and get this--she referred me to a feeding specialist in case she has a sensory disorder. I just love it how every little pediatric weirdness gets a "diagnosis" these days.

So any advice or just, hey, I have been there would be helpful. I really thought that she was going to pull this crap at 2 years old, not at 1 year, so I think we are probably in for the long haul with the picky eater.

Calling all nerds...

I rarely get excited about a new toy or kid product that I get suckered into buying. Lana is the type of kid who doesn't really play with toys much. She needs people. She wants to do imaginative play, a board game, roll a ball down the hall or just talk my ear off. The only solitary, quiet thing she does is crafts and when she is in the zone, she is very creative and I am always amazed at how her brain works.

Because Lana is not great at playing by herself, she watches a lot more TV than I would like to admit. Luckily now that school is in session and she is in it all day, her TV time is limited, but we have a DVD in the car (something I never thought I would do) which helps keep her occupied during our 30 min commute twice a day to school. You are probably thinking--what a great opportunity to talk and interact! Turn off the TV! Let me tell you, for my own sanity and the safety of the other people on the road, it is best for her to be occupied. This way I am not turning around every 2 seconds for "mom, what's this, mom, look at what I am doing, mom, mom, mom, mom." She never asks good questions, just redundant ones like, "mom, do you love me? mom, why is the fruit stand still open?" Also, forget about it if you would like to have a conversation with another passenger in the car! Judge me if you will with the DVD in the car or you could just spend an hour in the car with Miss Talky Talk and you will see what I mean.

I have been getting sick of listening to the dialogue of the same Disney movies over and over. I could do Mulan, complete with the songs verbatim, start to finish in my sleep. Princess and the Frog too, Sleeping Beauty, Wubbzy videos, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and don't even get me started on Elmo in Grouchland--its been about 2 yrs since she has watched it, but I know the whole thing by heart. Since Lana has been so inquisitive lately, I bought this to mix it up a little:I am not pushing science on her, by any means, but this They Might Be Giants CD/DVD got great reviews and she plays doctor often and asks me about my former job, she loves her science kit and we do fun little kitchen experiments, so science is kind of a common topic in our house.

I LOVE THIS DVD!!! She has been watching it in the car and it is so creative. It covers many different science topics, from the solar system to paleontology, evolution, photosynthesis, velocity, computer science, environmental science. It sounds heavy, but its done SO well--fun, creative, extremely energetic. Lana asks so many questions, questions I don't mind answering like:

"Mom, why is Ceres not a planet, but still in the asteroid belt?"
"Mom, what is the temperature of a rainbow?"
"Mom, do we live inside the earth or on top? Then why can't we see the other planets?"

She sings along to the songs and she is really into it. It was the letter H week in her Pre-K classroom and she told the teacher her "H words" were "hybrogen (hydrogen) and helium". Not only does she totally dig this, but I love it too--I am such a nerd. But I do enjoy answering these questions more so than explaining why it is impossible to fall in love with a handsome prince after only meeting him once and dancing one dance together. Come on, Disney, give me a break!

The only downside? The songs are so damn catchy, I can't get them out of my head.

My weekend adventure

I just went on a girls weekend getaway, nervously leaving the kids overnight for the very first time. But this wasn't just any girls weekend, this was like the Mother of All Girls Weekends--with girls I have never met in real life. Ah, this internet is a strange thing indeed and what was even more bizarre was when I told people where I was going for the weekend, I heard myself say, "I am meeting up with a bunch of women I met on the internet." And then I sounded like a weirdo.

The thing is, it wasn't weird at all. I began chatting with these women when I was pregnant with Lana via Babycenter, which I frequented often with my millions of questions and concerns about pregnancy. When Lana was only 6 weeks old, we moved across the country and I found myself a stay at home mom to a very colicky baby, with no friends, no support and I was in bad shape. My babycenter friends were my outlet, my support system. I know it sounds weird. The internet? Bad things happen on the internet. In actuality, good things also happen on the internet. I was lucky to meet Beth online and then in real life at during this time (since we were living in the same area) and we became friends, we had some fun get togethers and then a few months later we moved away, back to the west coast. Beth had a blog that I loved reading, so I decided to start one of my own.

But I digress, back to the weekend not being weird at all. Meeting my babycenter/blogfriends was so interesting! I really feel like everyone represents themselves on their blog just as they are. That authenticity made the meetup feel very comfortable. When blogging, most of us focus on stories about our kids. I so enjoyed hearing everyone's stories about themselves, their careers, their husbands, their journey to motherhood and their journey in life.

So we met in Vegas, although that seems pretty irrelevant b/c all we did was sit on our asses and talk, drink, eat and talk some more. Sounds boring for Vegas, but I assure you it was luxurious! A couple of days where I didn't have to cook anything, clean anything or fetch snacks, drinks, Hello Kitty and the like--now THAT is a vacation. I will say that these women actually did manage to get me into a club, yes a club with dancing and even though I didn't stay long, this is fairly miraculous in itself--I didn't even have dancing at my wedding, that is how strongly I dislike shaking my booty.

Laura has some great photos on her blog of all of our smiling faces plus her take on the weekend, so check them out, if you haven't already. Speaking of Laura, it was so great to finally meet her. She is just as I expected her to be. I really enjoyed talking with her--she is very open and warm, not to mention hilarious. I felt like she was an old friend, someone I haven't seen for a while but one where you just pick up where you left off. I love that she talks fast but is a great listener, that she is smart-funny, that she is thoughtful and driven and inspiring. Her boys are lucky.

Desi and I have been commiserating about our exactly-the-same-age baby who seems to be pulling exactly-the-same-crap at exactly-the same-time, over email and facebook, so we clearly have a lot in common. I loved meeting her husband and kids--they are all so adorably cute. I loved hanging out at her house and talking about our moms and childhood and career paths. Desi has a great sense of humor--it was like a laugh a minute with her! She is so smart and strong and friendly. It was just easy to hang with Desi.

It was so so so fun to see Beth again! Beth is just one of those people who is a good person. She is so kind, genuine, giving and open. She is opinionated, but not in a headstrong or judgemental way. I have seen Beth a couple of times now, after I moved back to the west coast, once when I visited my dad when he was sick and I always feel so lucky to know Beth because she is so real, there are no pretenses at all and she has a good heart. I know I will be friends with Beth for a long time, even if we don't see each other often.

Jenn organized the trip--she had an itinerary which she revised multiple times! This was like going to a conference. She also drove everyone around and made multiple trips to the airport. Thanks for all your work Jenn. I was interested in getting to know her better b/c prior to this trip I felt like I didn't know too much about her. Jenn is a very devoted mom, always looks so put together and has great stories. I loved hearing about Jenn's adventure when she lived in Japan for a year and managed the whole bank! She had never even been on a plane before that! That is brave and so totally cool.

Joanna is so funny. I love her sense of humor, which I was already aware of from reading her blog. I was very excited to meet Joanna in person. She is smart and witty and a great storyteller. There is nothing wishy-washy about her, she is sure of herself. I also love her accent. Now when I read her blog, it will have a "voice".

Lindsay is also someone I didn't know well prior to this trip, but I am so grateful to have met her. She is so very sweet and kind. I enjoyed hearing about how Lindsay met her husband and I loved that she watched college football in the cabana, actually rooting for her team! Lindsay is easy to talk to and makes you feel so comfortable. I would love to see Lindsay again and chat some more.

Rita and her friend Tenaya were so fun! They were both ready to party in Vegas! Rita is so confident, a free spirit, super extroverted. She describes everything with such passion. She makes beautiful jewelry. She has killer heels and party clothes. I am so different from Rita, but I can really appreciate all of her attributes. Plus she can stay out longer and have more fun than I ever did, even when I was in my 20s. When people tell me to relax, chill out and have more fun, I will channel Rita.

Bridget has the best clothes, so girly with flowers and bows. She is from the South and has that southern belle quality. I loved hearing her stories about her girls, especially how they interact with each other. I hope my girls can love each other like hers do. Bridget is a great storyteller too, so animated and funny.

Heidi is definitely my girl crush on this trip. She is one of those people that totally has it all together, makes it look easy, looks great, is super smart and confident. She has 3 kids and is in graduate school. Instead of complaining about how busy or crazy her life is, she says she makes it work and knows she is showing her kids that sometimes things are tough, but if I can do it, you can do it. Her kids will be awesome b/c she is such a great role model. She has a zen quality about her. I love that!

It totally amazed me that this group of diverse girls could just seamlessly spend a weekend together with no disagreements, and absolutely no judgement. I think it is so hard to find girlfriends, other mothers, that truly support each other without judgement, who embrace and accept you for your flaws as well as what you bring to the table. I loved this trip. It was fun, relaxing, interesting and just what I needed. When I came home, I felt so refreshed and invigorated, so maybe it was like a mommy conference after all.

Thanks all for a great weekend :)

Happy First Birthday Lacey!

Dear Lacey,
Today you are one year old! What a wild and wonderful year it has been since you joined our family. It has gone so fast! Wasn't it just yesterday that we brought you home from the hospital? You were so tiny, all 6 lbs 4 oz of you, that tiny little butt fitting right in the palm of our hands and your soft head with the fuzzy hair and the delicious baby smell that was so intoxicating. Oh sweet Lacey, you were so pleasant and content to sit and just watch the whirlwind of your big sister. Of course now you cannot just sit and watch, you are in the thick of the action, wanting to be everywhere Lana is, eating whatever she is eating, playing with the big kid toys, climbing the stairs (all 16 of them), crawling super-fast, ripping paper into tiny shreds which you then eat with mommy yelling--no no no! To which you respond with a smile, showing us your 4 little teeth. Lacey-lace (as we call you) you have our heart, you are so easy to love, you bring us so much joy.We haven't had a doctor's appointment in a while, but I am estimating you are about 20 lbs, you have a little bit of soft, dark brown hair that makes everyone think you are a boy even if I have you dressed in pink, you have delicate little fingers that you like to point to everything and say either "ah" or "up". I keep trying to teach you some words because I don't know what "ah" and "up" really mean to you. So far you say, "Mama", "Baba" and "Nana" (Lana). You love to take folded laundry or a stack of clean diapers and fling them all over the room, one by one. You love to crawl really fast to the bathroom and pull yourself up on the toilet (yuck) or the edge of the tub. You think its funny when I chase after you--you crawl faster and giggle. You are very curious, pulling on cords, trying to pull out the outlet covers, pulling on the nightlight, digging in trash cans. You love to play ball the most. If I roll a ball to you, you roll it right back. If Lana and I sit with you on the floor, we can roll the ball between the three of us for good long while (a few minutes, but still). You are not walking without assistance just yet, I think b/c you have decided you can crawl much faster.
Lacey, my dear, you are a little faker! When I brought you home from the hospital, you slept 4 hours straight every night and I said, "OH YAY! I think we have a sleeper!" Then at about 3 months old, you faked me out and turned into Worlds Worst Sleeper, which I have concluded is your natural pattern. When we started solid food--you ate robustly, but then all of a sudden you rejected everything you once ate. So I switched to homemade baby food, which was better. Then we gave you table food and once again you ate everything I gave you--pasta with meatsauce, salmon and pasta broccoli, homemade Chinese food, fish, meatballs. But a few weeks ago, you have suddenly decided that you only eat bread, pasta, sweet potatoes, carrots, fruit and tofu. That's it, no exceptions--no rice, no eggs, no green veggies, definitely no meat. Don't even try to mix it up. But you will giggle and wiggle if I even pick up the box of graham crackers--looks like someone has a sweet tooth :)
You are still breastfeeding (yay to me for that accomplishment!) and we are still up through the night once or twice. I love it when I pick you up and give you your giraffe lovey--you put your head on my shoulder and sigh and snuggle. Oh it is so sweet. I love how you hug back and that you are so quick to smile. I love watching you and listening to you. I know sometimes our house can be loud and busy, but I will always have the time to stop and listen to my littlest bug.
Thank you sweet Lacey for a wonderful year. We can't wait to see what this next year brings! Happy Birthday!

What we did on summer vacation Part 1

Summer is officially over here in these parts. Usually September weather still feels like summer (70s), but this year the brief summer we had has given way to rain, rain and more rain, with a little fog mixed in for variety. The rain actually doesn't bother me, but we all felt a little cheated this summer since it was cooler and wetter than normal. School is back in session (yay!) and Lacey and I are still trying to figure out how to get her to take decent naps in between dropoff and pickup. I have been frantically trying to get things done around the house--bigger projects like cleaning out the office, paring down the junk in our lives, deep cleaning things that have long been neglected. You know, fun stuff. My "To do" list is long and every time I cross something off, I have added 3 more things. But that is everyone's story, right? I do really love fall and after I catch up with these house projects, I plan to enjoy the crisp air, changing leaves, pumpkin patches and dairy-free baking!

Despite my focus on all of my fall activities and plans, we had a great summer. Lana and I had one special day per week when my inlaws watched Lacey. We did "big kid" stuff, like the public pool or the beach or the movies or the zoo, with ladies lunch first, usually at Red Robin or the sushi place with that awesome kids meal. Lana actually loved to sit at the sushi bar b/c "you can't do that with a baby!" She really did love and appreciate the one-on-one time b/c she often said, "Thanks mom for bringing me here." We had some really really awesome special days and even if she doesn't remember them over time, I sure will. I also had a special day with Lacey each week which was nice as well. Lacey is pretty content to sit on the floor and play, although with 2 naps a day its not like we were out and about too often. She is a happy little thing and even if she is a crappy sleeper, she is so easy to love and snuggle and smile at. That kid melts my heart. In just 8 days she will be ONE!!! I can't believe it.

Back to summer. In addition to our special days, we tried to enjoy every ounce of sunshine--we went to the splash park, the regular parks, we took walks in the neighborhood and we ate outside on our brand new deck every night. We had fun playdates with friends and we went to Jetty Island a few times.

Two big things we did this summer: 1) We took a big, 2 part vacation and 2) We did a big, loud, massive remodel.

Part 1 of our vacation was to Cape Cod where we met up with some close friends from Boston who have a 2 year old daughter, Elyse. Lana and Elyse had so much fun playing in the sand, searching for shells and sharing a room. Bill and I enjoyed catching up with our friends, eating boatloads of seafood and watching our girls play together. We all rented a house which was a great thing to do with another family b/c it allowed us to prepare breakfast and cook up the clams we dug up for lunch. Plus, it was relatively easy for Lacey to get her naps while one adult could hang behind and relax. I say relatively easy b/c Lacey did not sleep well during this trip. But it worked out okay, she was in a pretty good mood most of the time. The only bummer with this trip was that Bill got food poisoning on the second night. I tell ya, its not a family vacation unless someone pukes. It happens nearly every trip. But he has a good eject button and once it was out, he was good to go. It was such a great vacation. I really felt Bill relaxing, which is not an easy thing for him. We had great weather, it wasn't too hot, but definitely warm enough to spend lots of time swimming and building elaborate sand castles. It felt good to have the family time and it was really nice to share the fun with our friends. It was also super nice for me b/c our friend Nancy did all of the cooking since I was always holding Lacey or trying to keep her out of trouble. A whole week of no cooking? Now THAT is a vacation for me!

Here's the real kicker--when we got home from our trip, I read Megan's blog about her vacation in Cape Cod. I emailed her, thinking, oh its impossible that we were both in Cape Cod the exact same week. But yes, it was true--our families were in Cape Cod the exact same week! AND we were about 10 miles away from one another! I can't believe we didn't know it ahead of time so that we could connect! How awesome would that have been??? Seren and Lana would have talked each other silly. Darn it!

So here are a few photos from our trip:

Yeesh, I have been gone forever

Today is the first day of Pre-K for Lana! Here she is right before we left. It was raining, so we did the indoor shot this year. We tried to get Lacey to pose with her for a couple, but she was too busy chewing shoes and wouldn't sit still.

So I am back! I hope to have more time to blog now that I have one at home who naps, although PreK pickup is going to blow the PM nap. I am not sure if I am going to shoot for an early or late nap for Lacey, we will have to see how things go. Too bad she won't sleep in the car. Anyway, we had a nice summer, although the weather kind of was a letdown, but we made the most of it. I am hoping to do some retro-posts about our adventures this summer, but not today--today I am just catching up.

Lana was a bit nervous to go to school this morning. Last night she dissolved into tears about 100 times about all things not school related, but I could tell that she was just feeling some butterflies about school. I remember feeling that as a kid. Its funny b/c I remember being kind of sensitive as a child--nervous about things, scared of strange things. My mom says she never knew, that I never said anything about it. Lana is pretty open with her emotions and since many of them I can relate to, I tend to offer empathy and reassurance. Bill thinks I am feeding her anxieties, but I am just not the type to say--you are being ridiculous! Shake it off! But this morning went along without incident--we got up, had breakfast, got dressed and off we went to school.

When we arrived Lana sat down at the table which had a coloring page and a laminated name tag was on the table just above it. The teacher told her to write her name on her paper the same way it was on the name tag and that she could look at the name tag for reference. Lana grabbed a pencil and wrote her name on the paper about half way down the page. The teacher stopped by and told her to write her name on the line at the top that said "Name". She immediately said--"I was just practicing down here." I think Lana is a huge perfectionist. She told me last night that she is worried that she will make some mistakes at school and end up in the little blue chair (when kids have listening ear problems, that is where they sit). She said, "Mama, I am only 4, I am still learning things." I had to explain that nobody expects her to know everything and that she goes to school to learn new things and that everyone makes mistakes sometimes (even Mommys) and that if she listens to her teacher and doesn't talk sassy, she will not end up in the little blue chair.

Its bittersweet watching her grow up, gain independence, feel a little scared, send her off to school. I know its cliche and so expected, but I am happy and sad, all at the same time.

I am looking forward to catching up on things long overdue.

I also expect we will be sick by the weekend, b/c well, that's how school goes.